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it fills your cup.

"The thing about light is that it really isn't yours; it's what you gather and shine back. And it gets more power from reflectiveness; if you sit still and take it in, it fills your cup, and then you can give it off yourself." pg. 228 Traveling Mercies:Anne Lamott

I have a slight anxiety about finishing things. I have been holding out on about 5 books, not wanting to finish them. I had about 6 pages in Henri Nouwen's book Here and Now and 10 pages in Anne Lamott's Traveling Mercies. I decided yesterday was the day to finish at least those two. Now I'm on a sprint to finish the 3 others I've started:: Three Cups of Tea, Follow Me to Freedom and Dare to Love Completely.


Just as I have anxiety about finishing books, I have found that I also have anxiety about finishing parts of life. I'll forewarn you that what I'm about to say will sound ridiculous. I have roughly 10 more months in Mongolia and I'm already dreading leaving.

I remember at the start of my senior year of college, I was already sad about leaving college. I think it is my way of preparing so that when it actually comes it won't be so difficult.


When I think about my time here I realize how much like home Mongolia has become. I have moved my life here. It has been difficult but it has become such a joy. I have learned to trust wholly in the Lord and His timing and faithfulness.

I'm anxious to leave and move to a new place and start the learning and loving process all over. I'm anxious because I know my heart will be once again ripped in another direction. But as I'm anxious I also know that I would have it no other way.

I'm comforted by this verse from The Psalms:

"Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord. you have filled my heart with greater joy than when their  grain and new wine abound. I will lie and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4:7-8

So, with the peace that God gives, I realize that my heart is overflowing and filled with a greater joy. There is no need to be anxious. There is nothing more fulfilling for me than going somewhere and knowing that above all else I have loved with my whole heart.

So, for the next 10 months, I will not be anxious, but remember that my cup is filled and that loving with my whole heart is true joy. I pray that the joy that fills my heart would become a light and that the presence of the Lord that lives in my life would shine.

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3 months. 90 days. just yesterday. forever.

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