The Prayer of the Empty Water Jar

Jesus, I come into the warmth of your presence
knowing that you are
the very emptiness of God.

I come before you
holding the water jar of my life.

Your eyes meet mine
and I know what I'd rather not know.

I came to be filled
but I am already full.

I am too full
This is my sickness

I am full of things
that crowd out
your healing presence.

A holy knowing steals inside my heart
and I see a painful truth.

I don't need more
I need less
I am too full.

I am full of things that block out
your golden grace.

I am smothered by gods of my own creation
I am lost in the forest of my false self
I am full of my own opinions and narrow attitudes
full of fear, resentments, control
full of self-pity, and arrogance.

Slowly this terrible truth
pierces my heart
I am so full there is no room for you.

Contemplatively, and with compassion
you ask me to reach into my water jar.

One by one, Jesus, you enable me
to lift out the things
that are a hindrance to my wholeness.

I take each one to my heart and
I hear you asking me,
"Why is this so important to you?"

Like the murmur of a gentle stream
I hear you calling,
Let go, let go, let go!

I pray with each obstacle
tasting the bitterness and grief
it has caused me.

Finally...
I sit with my empty jar
I hear you whisper,
You have become a space for God
Now there is hope
Now you are ready to be a channel of life.

You have given up your own agenda
There is nothing left by God.

-Seasons of Your Heart, Macrina Wiederkehr

Comments

creepin'

Sorry about posting 3 times in one day but hopefully this one will have a little more meaning than the other two (although, they are funny). Last week we were having dinner with two girls that are working in different capacities here in UB. They have both been here for about a year or more and they were telling us about their adjustment experiences. They affirmed our rough beginnings but then they kept talking about Mongolia, after adjustments. They said that Mongolia has a way of getting under your skin. It really grows on you and you can't help but love it. One of the girls was talking about how for a while, and even still now, she tries to shield her skin, she's not ready to love Mongolia yet. I've been feeling that same way. I want to shield my skin because part of me is afraid of loving this place. Today we went to Terelj National Park with the Seo's (the missionary family that is here). We went to go have a picnic and see the park. Their girls went and it was a lo

frozen things.

I can't believe I forgot about this quirk. I think you'll understand why I decided to post it...it might even deserve the lone post. You be the judge. 7. A few times this week I've had the pleasure of getting to go to a Mongolian bathroom. If you're confused about what this means, see picture: That is an outhouse. It is below freezing in Mongolia every day. People use out houses for tinkling and pooping. Imagine this: mounds of frozen poop.

flipped-turned upside down.

Let me begin with the confession that I honestly don't know where to begin and that is ok. I have been learning that there is value in whatever feeling that you are feeling and that you should embrace it, experience and move on from it, not to dwell in that feeling. Feelings are natural, they ebb and flow. I have been in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia for a little over a week now. Today was the very first day I began to feel comfortable here. I even felt a little at home. Transitioning to life in Mongolia has been more difficult than I expected. I am not even quite sure I can accurately express it in words. But, to give you a tiny grasp of how I'm feeling, let me quote a little something from the respected and awfully wise...Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, " Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down..." Erin and I have had many conversations and prayers expressing our feelings that are lives have become a jumbled mess, flipped and turned upside down (

life ebbs and flows

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