Skip to main content

It is my party, and I will say when it is over...

A couple of nights ago, I went to look out the window at 10 pm at the fresh snow. When I looked out, I saw a man sweeping up the snow off the sidewalk and out of the street.

It was 10 o'clock. That meant the sun was long gone (and had been for nearly 5 hours). Which means, it was cold. Really cold.

Here I am, thinking how annoying it is to move the outlet strip from the stove in the kitchen, to the heater in the bedroom, and this man is sweeping snow. He is sweeping the snow so that I don't slip on it when it freezes, which I did, (rather ungracefully too) and so cars don't slide when they drive across it.

A funk is quite an understatement for what I've been in as of late.

My computer crashed, I got food poisoning for the second time, and I burnt myself on the hot water pipe in the bathroom.

Seriously, what is wrong with me? I've decided it is time for my little (BIG) pity party to end.

On Christmas day, we went to visit some Hospice patients. The first family I visited had a 12 year old boy with Cerebral Palsy. He, his twin, and his father were all laying in a twin bed under a few blankets, and there was no heat.

As we sang Christmas carols, the father began to cry, my tears were not long after. I did my best to regain my composure as we walked back to the car. I was a mess.

Reality check, Holli.

Somehow, after that, I'm still capable of being so utterly selfish it is disgusting. The self-pity train sure has been making it's way around my heart and head, a lot.

Thanks be to the Lord for being so patient and persistent with me, though...

"...Moses said, 'Please show me your glory.' and he said, 'I will make all my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name 'The Lord.' And I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy. But,' he said, 'you cannot see my face, for man shall not see me and live.' And the Lord said, 'Behold, there is a place by me where you shall stand on the rock, and while my glory passes by I will put you in a cleft of the rock, and I will cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will take away my hand, and you shall see my back, buy my face shall not be seen.'"
Exodus 33:18-23

The light of the Lord is always here, around me. If I am lucky, I will get to see His back. I am not sure how often I am paying attention enough to see even that.

I hope my honesty finds some grace as I am learning to live completely in the presence of the Lord.

I am thankful that God is showing me His glory and that somehow He still loves me despite ALL of my undeserved-ness.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

creepin'

Sorry about posting 3 times in one day but hopefully this one will have a little more meaning than the other two (although, they are funny). Last week we were having dinner with two girls that are working in different capacities here in UB. They have both been here for about a year or more and they were telling us about their adjustment experiences. They affirmed our rough beginnings but then they kept talking about Mongolia, after adjustments. They said that Mongolia has a way of getting under your skin. It really grows on you and you can't help but love it. One of the girls was talking about how for a while, and even still now, she tries to shield her skin, she's not ready to love Mongolia yet. I've been feeling that same way. I want to shield my skin because part of me is afraid of loving this place. Today we went to Terelj National Park with the Seo's (the missionary family that is here). We went to go have a picnic and see the park. Their girls went and it was a lo...

frozen things.

I can't believe I forgot about this quirk. I think you'll understand why I decided to post it...it might even deserve the lone post. You be the judge. 7. A few times this week I've had the pleasure of getting to go to a Mongolian bathroom. If you're confused about what this means, see picture: That is an outhouse. It is below freezing in Mongolia every day. People use out houses for tinkling and pooping. Imagine this: mounds of frozen poop.

i am so blessed.

goodness gracious. i am so blessed. although this waiting period has been incredibly difficult, it has been good. i am so thankful for the time that i had to try to allow God to prepare me for this adventure. He has taught me a lot in this time. mostly about how loved and blessed i am. countless numbers of people have brought joy and comfort into my anxious heart with kind words and prayers. thank you. i have had many beautiful and some very difficult conversations. i have had time with family and friends that was fulfilling and genuine. the list of blessings could continue on and on. thank you for all the support, love and many prayers. thank you for reminding me that this adventure is not mine alone, it is ours as a body of believers. we all get to take part. if i was supposed to call you and i haven't...i will. i am leaving bright and early in the morning (well, this morning now) for new york. i will be there for 2 weeks of training. on the 13th of october we will be comissione...