An ode to my wiser self

I've been thinking about blogging a lot lately. Well, writing, rather. I used to write a lot. It was therapeutic and life giving for me. It helped me to be in a constant state of process where I was not just taking in life but searching for and digging for meaning. It kept me grounded and real, for lack of better word.

I have been starting to write more lately and have several little bits I'm working on. In the process of digging out my blog from the depths of the internet, I found this jewel that I wrote years ago. Yes, that's right... years ago. I thought it was beautiful and worth sharing. So, in an attempt to revive this way of sharing my thoughts and processing...

Here is an ode to my younger (and probably wiser) self:

Welcome to The Chronicles of a Confused Citizen.

Here I am, residing in the country I was born in, living the life I knew from my birth to year 22.

It doesn't quite feel right, though.

Recently, as I found myself living in Mongolia, I started feeling connected to what it meant to be a Mongolian. Knowing, fully, that that wasn't quite right either.

I came to the understanding that I could never actually be a Mongolian but also feeling like I'm not quite American either.

Here I am...straddling a line of citizenship wondering what Jesus might think about this issue.

Through a lot of thoughts and prayers, I think what I've realized is that this issue is a blessing. What I see is an opportunity to take joy in my citizenship--or lack there of. I GET to claim a larger citizenship. I get to be part of a Kingdom.

I am a citizen of heaven. The Kingdom of Heaven.

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creepin'

Sorry about posting 3 times in one day but hopefully this one will have a little more meaning than the other two (although, they are funny). Last week we were having dinner with two girls that are working in different capacities here in UB. They have both been here for about a year or more and they were telling us about their adjustment experiences. They affirmed our rough beginnings but then they kept talking about Mongolia, after adjustments. They said that Mongolia has a way of getting under your skin. It really grows on you and you can't help but love it. One of the girls was talking about how for a while, and even still now, she tries to shield her skin, she's not ready to love Mongolia yet. I've been feeling that same way. I want to shield my skin because part of me is afraid of loving this place. Today we went to Terelj National Park with the Seo's (the missionary family that is here). We went to go have a picnic and see the park. Their girls went and it was a lo

frozen things.

I can't believe I forgot about this quirk. I think you'll understand why I decided to post it...it might even deserve the lone post. You be the judge. 7. A few times this week I've had the pleasure of getting to go to a Mongolian bathroom. If you're confused about what this means, see picture: That is an outhouse. It is below freezing in Mongolia every day. People use out houses for tinkling and pooping. Imagine this: mounds of frozen poop.

flipped-turned upside down.

Let me begin with the confession that I honestly don't know where to begin and that is ok. I have been learning that there is value in whatever feeling that you are feeling and that you should embrace it, experience and move on from it, not to dwell in that feeling. Feelings are natural, they ebb and flow. I have been in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia for a little over a week now. Today was the very first day I began to feel comfortable here. I even felt a little at home. Transitioning to life in Mongolia has been more difficult than I expected. I am not even quite sure I can accurately express it in words. But, to give you a tiny grasp of how I'm feeling, let me quote a little something from the respected and awfully wise...Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, " Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down..." Erin and I have had many conversations and prayers expressing our feelings that are lives have become a jumbled mess, flipped and turned upside down (

life ebbs and flows

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