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an ant story.

it won't be as cute as a baby story, on tlc, but it is a story.

a story of a family. a colony. scavengers.

this, my friends is the story of the ants who took up residence in my work desk drawer.

it's a friday afternoon and i was thinking of a snack from my food drawer [yes, i have a food drawer].

i knew i had some rice cakes in there and i was hungry for just that.

as i opened the door, my mouth flung ajar, for what did i see but a million ants. that's right, a million.

i had seen ants all morning, here and there, but not enough to be alarmed. i thought they were the lone rangers--exploring out on their own. little did i know, they were scouting out the rest of the desk for crumbs and goodies.

i looked at the ants for probably a minute straight--doing nothing, simply mesmerized by their pure existence.

i snapped back into reality and tried to find the source...what were they after?!

it sure wasn't the rice cakes because there wasn't even a single one on them [not sure that's a compliment to rice cakes, if ants won't even eat them!]. low and behold, it was a pack of crakers. there were only about 6 left in the sleeve so not too much harm done.

after cleaning out the contents of the desk, i realized i had no idea how to get them out. my desk is situated right next to the non-mobile air conditioner. and my desk, like the number of ants, certainly weighs a million pounds. a million.

so, i decided to come up with a removal strategy[pictured below].

1. find a napkin
2. place a cracker on it
3. surround it with a ring of hand sanitizer

if they dare come near the craker, they will get stuck in the piles of gel-y soap.

good plan, right?

wrong. major fail. they sniffed my plan out. they knew the cracker wasn't worth it.

so, how does the story end? it ended with me doing a terrible thing [i'm sorry, God]--i took a napkin and swiftly smashed them and wadded them up in the napkins. killing them. RIP.

they picked the wrong desk to fascinate themselves with and i now have an all day ant paranoia--you know the kind of paranoia you get when you hear someone has lice...

i feel ants crawling all over me!

and, that's an ant story.

the end.


  1. is that my kanakuk nalgene?!?!?! i know i used to have one, and i am pretty sure you didn't work at kanakuk. THIEF!!


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