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live together, die alone.

8 months. 6 seasons.

upon our arrival in mongolia, erin and I had about 10 dvds. together.

with our first 2 months being completely consumed by the h1n1 crisis, those 10 dvds became quite well worn. so, we began the search for something to watch online. perfect plan, right? you can watch almost anything online. well, not when you live in mongolia. nope. it knows. the internet knows and it says things like "We're sorry we cannot stream outside of the US." I stand by my opinion that the "We're sorry" is the fakest apology i've ever heard.

so, i'm not going to say exactly how it happened, but we began exploring other avenues for watching shows online. with a few downloads and a small fee, we could watch things on netflix. come to find out, netflix downloads at the rate of Christmas when you're 7 years old. download 15 minutes, watch 5 minutes. That makes for a lot of effort for a short amount of entertainment.

we decided to practice our patience with netflix and search through the seasons that had available for watching. i kept seeing lost and thinking, "hey, i've heard it's good, but i'm not sure if we're that hip." well, those weren't exactly my thoughts but...similar.

i proposed the lost idea to erin. she accepted and we made the decision to embark on the lost journey. we faithfully watched...in 5 minute increments.

neither one of us could believe that we had jumped on the lost bandwagon. especially with the last and final season coming up in a few short months. there was no way, at the rate we were going, to catch up, in this century. but we had nothing else to do, so it worked.

although the 5 minutes were juicy and worth it [that's not true] it got old really fast. the search for easier viewing was on again. this time, with more of a success. we found some sites where you could download an episode at a time. it took about an hour to download the whole episode but it was worth it. especially after our bout with netflix.

so, we were getting along pretty well with this method. getting really into it. i think we even made it season 3.

then...cambodia. the land of dvds walked into our lives and we got the first 5 seasons. it was like candy. we had mini lost marathons and we finished up pretty soon after cambodia. we even finished in just enough time to begin catching up with the rest of the world. of course that had to happen via the download-wait method because we were out of dvds. it was ok, though because were catching up.

so, we did. we caught up with america.

we were right there [well a day behind] when sun and jin died [which was the most tragic lost moment, at least for me].
we were right there when locke turned into the smoke monster [gross].
we were right there when we found out that jacob and no-name really were brothers [i'd been thinking that for a while].

then, came the day when it all ended. that came on a monday for us. we searched for the links to the episode all day until we finally found them. we stayed up until 1 o'clock in the morning to watch it. we cried and we were satisfied.

with each passing day i'm increasingly satisfied with the ending of lost. our journey to the end of lost seemed as appropriately epic as lost itself. if you've never watched it...i wish i could say skip the beginning and just watch the end but that's impossible. everything you watch makes you appreciate the end that much more. it's not bittersweet, it's just beautiful. and i usually don't say that about tv.

i have a sneaky suspicion they might all go live on the island again--gilligan island style.

when all was said and done, they stood by their motto: live together, die alone.

if i had to start the journey again, even beginning with netflix, i would.

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An ode to my wiser self

I've been thinking about blogging a lot lately. Well, writing, rather. I used to write a lot. It was therapeutic and life giving for me. It helped me to be in a constant state of process where I was not just taking in life but searching for and digging for meaning. It kept me grounded and real, for lack of better word.

I have been starting to write more lately and have several little bits I'm working on. In the process of digging out my blog from the depths of the internet, I found this jewel that I wrote years ago. Yes, that's right... years ago. I thought it was beautiful and worth sharing. So, in an attempt to revive this way of sharing my thoughts and processing...

Here is an ode to my younger (and probably wiser) self:


Welcome to The Chronicles of a Confused Citizen.

Here I am, residing in the country I was born in, living the life I knew from my birth to year 22.

It doesn't quite feel right, though.

Recently, as I found myself living in Mongolia, I started feelin…

bring it on, world.

October 26, 2011.

That is the day I last wrote a blog. That's not the day when my life changed but it is a day that I can recognize as one of the last ones when I knew who I was and what my purpose was.

I'm not generally a quitter. Sure, sometimes I quit on books or I quit on small projects but in life, nope. I  try hard at most things, usually right until the end. I won't say that quitting is not a thought that meanders through my being when something gets tough but I have come to learn that when I stick things out I come out having learned a thing or two.

But I did quit. I quit a big commitment. I said I would live in Washington, DC and I would do my best.

I tried. I also had my very first panic attack, too.

It was too much. I couldn't think or breathe. I couldn't cope with the devastation I felt for leaving Mongolia early that March morning. I couldn't cope with no one understanding what Mongolia had meant to me and how it had changed me right down to my bo…