flipped-turned upside down.

Let me begin with the confession that I honestly don't know where to begin and that is ok. I have been learning that there is value in whatever feeling that you are feeling and that you should embrace it, experience and move on from it, not to dwell in that feeling. Feelings are natural, they ebb and flow.

I have been in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia for a little over a week now. Today was the very first day I began to feel comfortable here. I even felt a little at home.

Transitioning to life in Mongolia has been more difficult than I expected. I am not even quite sure I can accurately express it in words. But, to give you a tiny grasp of how I'm feeling, let me quote a little something from the respected and awfully wise...Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, "Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down..."

Erin and I have had many conversations and prayers expressing our feelings that are lives have become a jumbled mess, flipped and turned upside down (and about 8 other ways, too) if you will.

Through my anxious and strange feelings, I am being graciously reminded that my creator is faithful. He is patient. He is good. He is loving. He is forgiving. He helps those in need, including me.

I have been thinking a lot about the story in Mark 9 about the father of the boy who is possessed by an evil spirit. The boy's father says,
"'...if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.' 'If you can'? said Jesus. 'Everything is possible for him who believes.' Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
(Mark 9.22-24)

I have felt much like that. I do believe that God is faithful but some days I doubt so much. I know He has prepared this place for me but I have felt so lost and confused about His plan. I pray, Lord, help me overcome my unbelief.

I can barely fathom myself, much less recount to you all the ways God has proven Himself faithful to us in the past week. With each doubt He sends a blessing. With my impatience, He pours out patience. Yet, I still forget who He has proven Himself to be. I pray again, Lord, help me overcome my unbelief.

With lingering thoughts of feeling like I am a crazy person for literally moving half-way around the world, I come to the realization that it's true, I am a crazy person, and I am growing to be more and more thankful for that.

I believe the words of Simone Weil, "The pursuit of God is never separate from the love of persons." And those words are exactly why I am in Mongolia. Freezing, unknown, barrier-filled, strange and person-filled, Mongolia. I give thanks to the Lord for beginning to help me overcome my unbelief.

Even though I don't always understand why I am here, I am coming to a place where I realize that the reason I am here is for obedience. I pray that each day I become more and more joyfully obedient. I pray that I am reminded often that my pursuit of God is not separate from these people. I pray that I am reminded often that my pursuit of God is completely and utterly bound up in these people.

I am faithful that God will continue revealing and reminding me of those things. I will keep praying my unbelief away.

Please continue with me on this journey. My freedom for joyful obedience and my pursuit of God are bound up in you too.

Life ebbs with our belief and flows with our unbelief. Praise to our King for ebbing and flowing with us.