life ebbs and flows

this is what i'm here for.

2011-10-26T16:40:00.000+08:00

a book.

2011-06-22T10:08:00.003+08:00

i've heard about this book for a couple of years now, but never had it in my hands.

someone unintentionally put it in my hands this past sunday so i've started the journey through. be on the lookout for snip-its here and there from me.

i have a feeling it's going to be liberating.

"Because it is a distortion of being more fully human, sooner or later being less human leads the oppressed to struggle against those who made them so. In order for this struggle to have meaning, the oppressed must not, in seeking to regain their humanity (which is a way to create it), become in turn oppressors of the oppressors, but rather restorers of the humanity of both..."

"...Only power that springs from the weakness of the oppressed will be sufficiently strong to free both..."

pg. 44, Paul Freire, Pedagogy of the Oppressed

life.

2011-06-12T05:07:00.003+08:00

Erin just sent me the link to a series of photographs, depicting life in Mongolia.

The pictures are hard. They are simple. They depict life. They are real.

Check them out here.

Let me know what you think.

an ant story.

2011-06-11T01:47:00.003+08:00

it won't be as cute as a baby story, on tlc, but it is a story.

a story of a family. a colony. scavengers.

this, my friends is the story of the ants who took up residence in my work desk drawer.

it's a friday afternoon and i was thinking of a snack from my food drawer [yes, i have a food drawer].

i knew i had some rice cakes in there and i was hungry for just that.

as i opened the door, my mouth flung ajar, for what did i see but a million ants. that's right, a million.

i had seen ants all morning, here and there, but not enough to be alarmed. i thought they were the lone rangers--exploring out on their own. little did i know, they were scouting out the rest of the desk for crumbs and goodies.

i looked at the ants for probably a minute straight--doing nothing, simply mesmerized by their pure existence.

i snapped back into reality and tried to find the source...what were they after?!

it sure wasn't the rice cakes because there wasn't even a single one on them [not sure that's a compliment to rice cakes, if ants won't even eat them!]. low and behold, it was a pack of crakers. there were only about 6 left in the sleeve so not too much harm done.

after cleaning out the contents of the desk, i realized i had no idea how to get them out. my desk is situated right next to the non-mobile air conditioner. and my desk, like the number of ants, certainly weighs a million pounds. a million.

so, i decided to come up with a removal strategy[pictured below].

1. find a napkin

2. place a cracker on it

3. surround it with a ring of hand sanitizer

if they dare come near the craker, they will get stuck in the piles of gel-y soap.

good plan, right?

wrong. major fail. they sniffed my plan out. they knew the cracker wasn't worth it.

so, how does the story end? it ended with me doing a terrible thing [i'm sorry, God]--i took a napkin and swiftly smashed them and wadded them up in the napkins. killing them. RIP.

they picked the wrong desk to fascinate themselves with and i now have an all day ant paranoia--you know the kind of paranoia you get when you hear someone has lice...

i feel ants crawling all over me!

and, that's an ant story.

the end.

porches.

2011-06-09T21:25:00.000+08:00

as often as you can, find time to sit on porches, sharing and laughing.

"...a vital piece of luggage..."

2011-06-07T21:29:00.002+08:00

3 months. 90 days. just yesterday. forever.

It has been 3 months since I left mongolia. Some days it feels like I was there just yesterday while others it feels like these have been the longest 3 months of my life.

I neglect writing about this painful time because I still can't seem to find the right words that could describe the emotions and thoughts that I have.

No words suffice.

No amount of tears calm.

No hugs or "it's gonna get better"s really change much.

I ache. I long to be in that place again.

Yesterday, Erin and I were talking about what we say and think when people ask 1. "If we miss Mongolia?" and 2. "What do we miss the most?"

If you know us at all, you know that the first question will hardly make us pause, it will cause us to chuckle and say, "Yes, I miss Mongolia desperately." And that is the truth. Which always leads to the second question. Which is harder to answer.

I usually give the answer "The people are what I miss the most." Which is truth. But there's more--and that's the story that I can't seem to find the words to tell.

I most certainly miss the people I call friends and the ones that adopted me into their families. I miss my church. I miss my dog, I miss our cats, Dobby and Luna. I miss our apartment and all the sketchy boys outside of it.

I miss the shop downstairs. I miss the market down the street and around the corner [which is a farmer's market but does not need to be called that because every market in Mongolia is a farmer's market].

I miss the food. Some might call it bland but at it's very core, it tastes like Mongolia.

I miss the public transportation that doesn't run on a schedule, that sometimes takes you to the wrong places, that always costs about 30 cents.

I miss the stories, the singing, the radio music.

The list goes on and on.

The thing about Mongolia that I've said for a long time now is that it gets under your skin. There were never any more true words than that spoken to Erin and I shortly after our arrival there. "Mongolia will get under your skin, but you won't be able to explain it." Gosh, how true those words are.

I'm reading a book now about a woman who traveled around a bit in Asia, spent a few days in Mongolia and then returned to live in the countryside for a year. She writes,

"I returned to Ulaanbaatar in the spring, three years later. After my first, brief visit to Mongolia, I had spent the best part of a year traveling across Asia before returning to London and picking up my old life almost where I'd left it. But even though I had spent less time in Mongolia than any of the other half dozen countries I'd visited, I had carried my impressions of it with me the whole time, like a vital piece of luggage. They came home with me too, and remained at the fore of my mind, vivid and almost disturbing. All I knew was that the few days I'd spent around Ulaanbaatar had left more of a mark than anywhere else I had ever been. This half-empty land of nomads was going to preoccupy me until I went back." pg. 7, Hearing Birds Fly

It's a vital piece of luggage. At the fore of my mind. It is preoccupying me.

The story of all that Mongolia is under my skin is still unfolding. My prayer is that you might bear with me as I learn to tell the story.

people like this...

2011-05-05T01:33:00.003+08:00

I'm thankful for people like this...

http://thepioneerwoman.com/blog/2011/05/quarters/

...who give with joy.

people that know we're all connected.

that know that one day we might be the one needing help.

The Pioneer Woman is giving $.25 for each comment left on her post to the relief efforts from the recent tornadoes in my beloved state.

...on top of that, she's giving 4 $500 donations to those comment's favorite organizations.

go. comment.

ebb. ebb. ebb.

2011-05-03T09:01:00.005+08:00

from a book i'm reading...

"well, learning to pray and communicate from the present seat of your emotions is part of learning to be awake and aware of life around you and within you. You are a very intelligent [person], (insert name), but sometimes we can get addicted to our minds just like an alcoholic becomes addicted to the bottle to cope. Sometimes we can overanalyze God's presence in our lives, always looking for sings to interpret. Sometimes the most faithful prayers are the questions we bring to God."

-pg. 67, Reluctant Pilgrim by: Enuma Okoro

questions are more than ok. not feeling present where you are is more than ok. mourning and grieving are more than ok. what's not ok is staying there. there is no time in our life in which we are supposed to stay exactly the same. we move back and forward. we ebb and flow [i'm never gonna quit bringing that up]. we are supposed to because that's how we change.

and if you're like me, i don't want to stay the same person that i am today. i need to change. i need to grow.

the real danger for me, today, is not the changing or the questioning, no. rather it's the having grace with myself in the meantime part. the number one beater-upper-of-holli, is me.

the present seat of my emotions is the only stable thing that i have [though it seems the most shaky]. it's my frame of reference. my starting point.

so, here i am, learning, relearning and unlearning, again. learning to be present, relearning transition, and unlearning to have expectations.

ebb.

flow.

ebb.

flow.

ebb. ebb. ebb.

sometimes our ebb is deep and takes a while to get back to flow.

that.is.ok.

2011-04-02T03:44:00.003+08:00

hiatus is a bit of an understatement, i would say.

it's been more than a while since i updated.

i have packed up, cleaned up, flown across the world, debriefed, unpacked, started cleaning and pretended to re-pack since i last wrote. that's a lot of packing...

i would assume you would be able to gather from the "flown across the world" part that i am no longer in Mongolia. i am now in America. it's hard to believe.

since march 5th i have been America figuring life out, again. on the 7th of april [next thursday] i will be moving to Washington DC.

in the days, hours, minutes...seconds since march 5th i have been desperately trying to find the words to speak about the place i have come to call home.

Mongolia. not something you can sum up in words and not something that i can process in x days.

so, there's the purpose for the hiatus. i am literally and painfully wordless about what it means to be here.

the reason i'm writing today is that i think the words are starting to form and they need to be let out. so hopefully, that means i will be able to share some of those thoughts with you all soon.

until then, let the hiatus continue.

and they filled my heart.

2011-02-12T16:19:00.002+08:00

fill the cups. fill the bowls. fill the table. fill the moon. but most of all fill your stomach.

fill may not even be sufficient enough of a word. the correct words translated mean to fill your stomach until it feels like it's going to come back up. gross, right? and who wants to fill your stomach with mayonaise-y salads and boiled little dumplings? oh that's right, everyone in Mongolia does. including me. above all else, i just love to be with them, doing whatever it is that they do.

as tsagaan sar approached, the weeks before were absolutely full of talk about meat and where to buy the cheapest. not actually that uncommon of a topic around here...

then it came to the week and i began to wonder what gifts i needed to prepare, the houses i would visit, the people i would get to celebrate with. i was excited like a little kid right before christmas.

we were here last year at the time of tsagaan sar and we even celebrated but we really had no real understanding of it all. we were new comers and still figuring out our way around, much less all the traditions of the culture.

but this year i realized how important the night before is. literally it is like christmas eve, almost more important than all the other days. this is the "fill" day, as mentioned before. the greeting you say to everyone on this day is roughly translated to "happy eating to your fullest" that's the whole eat-until-you-throw-up deal.

i had no idea how erin and i were going to celebrate this day seeing as how we hadn't prepared any of the food that you are supposed to eat on this day. so, i was just thinking...

i don't know how much i have written about my family here. i don't think very much. the manager at my church is one of the kindest women i have ever met. she has 3 daughters who are all very involved at my church so i know them pretty well. aside from merely knowing them, though, i have a connection with them that is difficult to explain. i cannot remember when i started calling them my family, mom, dad, sisters but one day i did and it has just stuck.

as i was thinking about what i would do for tsagaan sar's eve night, my mongolian mom asked me if i would come and sleep at their house and celebrate with them. upon first hear, i was speechless, this seemed like such an honor and privilege to get to celebrate with people that are so special to me.

it turned out to be just that, an honor. we ate and ate and ate. we talked and celebrated and enjoyed each other's company. i felt just like a member of their family.

we filled the cups.

we filled the bowls.

we filled the table.

God filled the moon.

we filled our stomachs.

and they filled my heart.

snuggly wuggly.

2011-02-09T21:51:00.003+08:00

no, that isn't a tiny bear. but it is cute.

my [church] dog finally had her puppies. they will be a month old next week and they are literally the roundest, most snuggly things i've ever laid eyes on. i'm so proud of their momma, joni.

any thoughts on good names?

snipits are all your gettin'

2011-02-08T21:36:00.006+08:00

if it has not become apparent to you, then i'll spell it out for you...i hate writing blogs.

i've heard it said [though i don't actually believe it] that when i take the time to sit down and write a blog, it's pretty good but my life just keeps getting in the way.

my fabulous roommate balances both, living life and writing about it but i, on the very opposite other hand, do not.

i like living. just living. there are tons of thoughts and happenings that occur in that living, some that are quite worthy of sharing and writing about, however, more times than not, that doesn't pan out.

i'm sorry if you are one of my many, many followers. i'm sorry for letting you down. i'll be sure to let you down gently by posting pictures and a blog-to-blow-you-away every so often.

it's best to keep you all on your toes, that's my motto.

for today, i'll leave you with these snipits:

the symbol of tsagaan sar. more to come.

my youngest sister with the cutest puppy to ever live [i'm not biased at all]

and actually, look for another blog this week about tsagaan sar a.k.a. lunar new year.

happening now.

2010-12-17T07:13:00.001+08:00

yeah, that's faith vining in mongolia. time for sister time across the planet...

lately.

2010-11-11T10:05:00.004+08:00

this picture is now a false representation of what is happening in mongolia, since it is snowing right now. but this is what the week of fall looked like...it was beautiful.

that's our sweet church dog, joni, the one who is possibly pregnant [soon to give birth to puppy popsicles]

this is a gathering of the praise team at our apartment.

these are some of the senior citizens enjoying dancing with each other at a gathering a few weeks ago.

they LOVE dancing.

and last but not least, dobby and luna. i call this dobby's emo picture. i think she scowled so long that her face is now permanently like that.

a chronic revelation.

2010-11-01T14:32:00.004+08:00

like all good stories, this one begins with a case of never ending strep throat. a self-diagnosed case but a case nonetheless.

there once was a girl who moved to a country far, far away.

in the beginning it was difficult to figure out all the ins and outs of this new place but after a while she figured it out and even got comfortable. she has been there for a while now but the time is running out.

one day, while she was dealing with the pains of this chronic-like strep throat, she decided that she needed a reprieve from this intense pain. so, she went off to find buy some yogurt and juice, thinking a smoothie might be just the right fix.

she was generally a talkative girl but due to the throat ache-age, she was unusually quiet. because of this she had been thinking a great deal about what would soon be happening in her life in the near future.

a few days earlier she had received news that she would be returning to her home that is far, far away from the home she's found in what was originally far, far away. thus making the original home and the now home-like place both far, far away--especially from each other.

this in and of itself brought to light quite a quandary. the thoughts of leaving this place that has now become so familiar to return to a place that once was so familiar, but now seems much like a dream, brought her a feeling of unsettledness. a feeling that everything that seemed stable was about to be flipped upside down, again.

all of these thoughts and feelings about the goings on in our life seemed to surface on the walk from her house to the grocery store, that held the smoothie making capabilities--a rather unusual time for these feelings to suddenly make themselves known.

as she walked through the aisles looking at everything, thinking something could make this recent arrival of this overwhelmingly unsettled feeling go away.

thinking that the floor of the grocery store would bring some clarity, she nearly sat down to find out. restraining herself she gathered her items and left, regretting neglecting what could have been an informative [though, embarrassing] freakout in the middle of the aisle.

not ready to face an end to these newly developed thoughts she decided to seek refuge on the playground of the local kindergarten. the deserted status of the kindergarten gave her time and a space to calm her heart and head.

she was aware that though the feelings of stability and settledness were good, they were also too restrictive for her nature. so, it was there that she realized for the next maybe...well, maybe forever, she would be stuck somewhere in the middle of it all.

and she thought that perhaps the middle wouldn't be so bad because that is, after all, where balance is found.

feeling like she had come to a place of accepting the pursuit of balance in the middle ground, she decided to go inside to make that smoothie that started this whole revelation. moving past the nearly embarrassing freak out and on to unscramble the thoughts in her head.

she was somehow encouraged that, although there is no end in sight to these emotions, she knew that an end or an answer wasn't what needed to be achieved. sometimes we just need to find a grasp on the fact that life ebbs and flows and we are just learning to ebb and flow with it.

the story doesn't end here. in fact, it's only just begun, but hopefully the next part won't begin with the chronic-like strep throat.

puppy popsicles and a lun-y kitten.

2010-10-28T20:58:00.003+08:00

For a wonderful update on our pet-life, please read Erin's blog from today, here.

Also, my church's dog, Jonnie, might possibly be pregnant. Oh yes, right at the beginning of winter--so they will be little puppy pop-sicles.

Honey, if you love me, you'll smile...

2010-10-21T06:31:00.004+08:00

For a while I knew pizza day was coming. Initially I thought I would be making 30 pizzas. 30 pizzas is a daunting task for most people, however our pizza situation was even more daunting with our tiny ovens.

When the day began approaching I found out I only needed to make about 15 pizzas. Music to my ears, that was.

The pizzas were for the youth at my church. A fellowship activity--just to simply enjoy one another's company. It definitely was joyful.

I created, with a team of my Mongolian friends, a little pizza shop [or factory] in one of the classrooms at my church

When the pizzas were finished we all gathered to watch a wonderful performance of Tektonic--the dance craze of the millennium. If you don't know what that is, you should educate yourself here.

And after we enjoyed our 15 delicious very meat-y [about 3 kilograms of meat] pizzas, we played Honey, if you love, you'll smile. After some hesitation about playing, they realized that it was a ridiculous and fun game that they would very much enjoy. We played for almost an entire hour and might have played even longer if time had permitted.

All in all, it was a good Sunday.

no pocket full of sunshine...

2010-10-15T07:51:00.006+08:00

Chopsticks,

Asian food,

an obscure language,

bundling for -35 degree weather,

talking without words,

having relationships purely through Skype,

including meat in every dish,

singing in another language,

cooking and making things from scratch: bagels, tortillas, pretzels, etc.,

learning to be at home on the other side of the world...

These are just a few of the things that I have learned this past year. It is unbelievable to even think about the fact that I've been away from every thing I have ever known for a year [I realize a year is a tiny amount of time], much less that where I am now is familiar--also my home.

There are some things I wish weren't so familiar, though. I wish seeing dead frozen puppies as I walk to work weren't familiar. I wish the constant awareness of the difficulties of everyone's home life, whether it be because of money problems or relational problems, weren't so familiar. I wish it weren't so familiar that the lack of jobs causes people to have difficulty feeding and providing for their families. I wish it weren't so familiar that somedays people don't even have enough money to take the bus. I wish it weren't familiar that it is so expensive to provide heat for their homes.

Despite that and through all of the things that are gravely familiar, I also have gotten to see what's underneath.

Underneath the calloused exteriors I have found a deep sense of being in the Mongolian's hearts. I believe that they realize and know that at the root of who they are--they are just like their neighbor. Each person's life is burdensome and complicated, so, they treat each other's problems with respect and delicacy.

Everyone is just another person. We are all people.

People that struggle.

People that laugh.

People that cry.

People that are grateful.

Because of their acute awareness of everyone's person-ness, their sense of hospitality is contagious. Their sense of humility is humbling. Their loyalty is binding. Their love is deep.

Because of their awareness of their person-ness, I too, have become overwhelmingly aware of that. That's precisely why Mongolia has become like home. Not because I feel like I have changed anything, other than myself. Not because I feel like I can handle all things Mongolian or even understand all things Mongolians. I feel at home because this is a home, with people, problems, joys, struggles. Just like the home I knew for 22 years. I don't have the same experience with Mongolia as I do Alabama, but people are what make experiences are made of anyway.

As I learn more and more what it means to advocate for Mongolians, I see the need to become more vulnerable, sharing parts of my life that can sympathize and relate to theirs. Vulnerability is our common ground. It's how we realize or similarities and differences. It's how we communicate beyond words and get down to the heart.

In being vulnerable with them and sharing in life with them, I have become so connected to them. I long to be Mongolian. I long for a knowledge of every person's person-ness. I long for a true nature of hospitality, to be taught to be humble, to be loyal and to love deeply.

I wrote about this story before but I'm reminded of it today. In one of the first few months that Erin and I were here we met 2 women who had been living here for a while. They told us that Mongolia had a way of getting under your skin--that it would soon get there and stay, leaving you without words to describe it.

Today I can confidently say that Mongolia is under my skin. It is pleasant, sometimes difficult, challenging, heartbreaking, gravely familiar and joyful. It's impossible to describe and more impossible not to fall in love with.

It's no pocket full of sunshine, but it is rooted in person-ness and all that comes with that--a pocket full of life.

2010-10-04T20:01:00.004+08:00

"For we are God's fellow workers; God's field, God's building." 1 Corinthians 3:9

growing up without snow...

2010-10-01T06:58:00.003+08:00

Snow is so beautiful. Growing up in Alabama, when it snowed everyone got really excited because it was a rare happening. And by rare I mean it maybe, maybe snows once a year--and usually doesn't stick.

Today is October 1, 2010. I have almost been in Mongolia for an entire year.

I.cannot.believe.it.

There are so many things that have changed in my life, some of which I'm not even sure I have noticed. The things I think, the things I eat, the things I wear, the things I can understand--there are a myriad of things that are different.

One of the biggest things that has changed is my affinity [well, and adaptability] to the snowy life. When were first arrived in Mongolia, last October, there was already a lot of snow on the ground. Immediately it was different than anywhere I had ever lived. With every passing day the weather got colder and colder and the snow became a regular occurrence. I soon realized it wasn't strange, it was a normal part of life--just like rain is to me.

This morning when I woke up the snow was coming down so hard. It wasn't quite cold enough to stick to the ground, so it formed little puddles everywhere, but as I watched it--I realized just how different it is from rain.

Aside from the obvious things like being frozen and white, I realized how quiet it was. I was mesmerized all over again, like I was in Alabama.

The quietness and slowness of snow draws you to a quiet place. A place of watching and observing what's around you.

Newly falling snow is exactly what I need right now as I reflect on the past year--all the things that have changed and all the ways I have changed.

I would have never imagined that I would come to love this winter season so much.

horses.

2010-09-13T08:10:00.000+08:00

secret national sport

2010-08-26T07:40:00.005+08:00

In Mongolia there are three national sports: Wrestling, Archery and Horse Racing. There is a festival every summer, Naadam, that celebrates those three sports.

But, I've uncovered a secret fourth national sport [of sorts]. Basketball. It's the only other sport that they play on a regular basis. Forget baseball, football/soccer and rugby, basketball is where it's at.

Everywhere that I've been there has been a basketball court that the Mongolians I was with scoped out shortly after our arrival. In the countryside they play basketball, at my church we have a very loved basketball court and my apartment complex that rarely has an empty court.

They. love. it.

It's amusing to watch them play basketball but I've found that my favorite part is listening. By listening I figured out that the word for "shoot" like "shoot the ball" or "take the shot" sounds a lot like "shit." And when I say it sounds a lot like it, I really mean it sounds exactly like it. And they say it all the time. Every person playing and every person watching is yelling this profanity. As I watch one of the sweetest older ladies, who is granddaughter to 3 of the youth, yell at the top of her lungs for her grandson to "shit" I think I might explode with laughter.

After a while of laughing and debating on whether or not to tell them that isn't a good word in English, I finally decided to tell one of them. He thought it was hilarious and proceeded to yell it in my direction every time he was going to say it. He also informed everyone of it's meaning in English and every opportunity to say the word they now take with utmost joy.

So, next time you're playing the secret, fourth national sport of Mongolia...laugh and smile about their word for "shoot."

quirk

2010-08-24T12:42:00.002+08:00

It's been a while but I thought I'd give a little shout out to the quirks of Mongolian life.

A tribute to texting in Monglish [Mongolian+English]:

All sending and receiving of texts requires a dictionary [and sometimes a translator] to decode the meaning of the Mongolian sentences written in English characters.

Needless to say, I don't think the full effect of texting is found in our home due to our lack of all things Monglish.

Wouldn't you like to be on the receiving end of this text: "za za, margash ulzii. saixan amraarai"?

part 3: riches

2010-08-21T17:19:00.003+08:00

Recently I was sharing with one of my students about the middle class. I shared with her that my family is a part of that. She understood and said, "But you are rich" and I immediately told her that was definitely not true. But then she persisted, "Your heart is rich so you are rich."

The fact that she equated money's riches with the heart's riches perfectly encompasses my thoughts for this last part in the series.

Originally I was going to post this after we had camp and VBS, way back at the beginning of the summer. Then, two things happened that kept me from writing--life happened and I got the feeling that the story was not finished yet. So, I waited as the summer played out.

The life part of the set back was my job for the summer--being a hostess.

Each summer umpteen different Korean mission teams come to provide a myriad of Vacation Bible School experiences. Those experiences require a great deal of Mongolian involvement [which I am not] so along with my hat as hostess I put on a very important hat as an observer...

A few years ago during a trip to Liberia, I came to a new understanding of the meaning of blessings...riches...the things we're given and what we do with them.

The new understanding crushed my old grasp and blossomed into something that is still growing in my soul today, always evolving, solidifying and evolving again.

It was after that trip that I came to a conclusion in my life that words hold a deep value in our spirituality. Words hold meanings from the world and meanings from God--our job is to reconcile the two and live accordingly.

The living accordingly part sometimes presents itself in our lives in ways that are undeniable if we just pay attention.

That has happened to me this summer as I have become an observer. At camp and VBS I watched as the Mongolians that I have come to love mingled and mixed with Mongolians that I didn't know yet. They impressed me by being open and loving to one another. I think that's when I first really realized the richness of the Mongolian heart--they never meet a stranger.

Whether it was with the other youth, the neighbors of the place we were staying or the train conductor, they treated everyone they met like family. It was humbling.

Then we went to VBS, which was in a town that one of our church members decided to move to and start a house church. She had just moved about a week before we came so she didn't know too many people yet. So, we had a really unique opportunity to be the first people to share the Good News with a lot of people.

That was my favorite thing to watch unfold. My kids [well, youth but I call them kids] claimed the knowledge of Jesus like it was all the riches in the world. They were excited to share about who Jesus was with people who had genuinely never heard before. They wanted to teach them songs and invite them into story time. They wanted to teach them to pray and to look at each other differently.

Their riches were from the heart and it was illuminated by their actions.

It was such a blessing for me to a be a part of true Good News sharing. But one of the biggest parts of that blessing was realizing how rich knowing Jesus makes our lives.

As the rest of the summer has progressed, I've been back to that town and seen the children from the first VBS that happened there. They have continued to go the house church and learn. Each time we return they've learned more about Jesus and you can tell that the richness has taken hold of their lives too.

After that, with each mission team that has come, I have watched as hospitality is becoming newly defined before my eyes, too.

I have seen what God desires for us in receiving love and gifts.

I have had a unique and challenging experience in neither being on the mission teams or being a Mongolian. I am neither the giver or the receiver.

What I've learned about hospitality is that it is best known, as I think God would have it be known, from a place of unity in Him. Hospitality I think takes the words "giver" and "receiver" and equates them to "family."

When we begin to see people as our true family because of the commonality in the Lord, we cease from being separated by the world's boundaries--we glimpse heaven.

Hospitality is a concern of the heart and our ability to see the family that God has created. I think when we are able to see like God does, that's when our riches multiply.

It's almost like in the riches of our heart, hospitality is a currency [yeah, yeah, pretty corny].

All of these thoughts still seem jumbled even though I've been swirling them around in my brain for nearly 2 months now.

I am only claiming to know that riches measured by the world can hold no light to riches measured by the heart.

For the rest of my life if I am poor of money but rich of heart, I'll consider that a victory.

yet to be delivered...

2010-08-07T19:42:00.004+08:00

yes, i know that i said that there would be a part 3 and it has yet to be delivered. my life is just a tad busy lately, leaving with me little time to sit and right part 3 which is going to be the best of the 3 parts [i hope].

so, as i've been doing a lot lately, here are some pictures from my life recently, to fill the word void.

riding horses.

three of my favorite littles ones from church.

honoring this goat's life before it became our food.

ulaanbaatar, my home.

part 2: separation

2010-07-17T14:40:00.004+08:00

There was a man living in a village somewhere. He was a foreigner but he spoke the language, dressed like the villagers, lived in the same kind of home and ate the same food. He had lived in the village for many years and he was very close to the people that lived there. One day, another foreigner came to visit the village. He asked the villagers about the man who had been living with them for so many years.

"Is he one of you?" He asked.

They answered "No, he will never be one of us. He will always be a foreigner."

Someone told the missionaries here this story a few months ago. And this story has yet to leave my soul.

When I moved to Mongolia my intention was not to become Mongolian. I came to see and share when I can, always knowing I am not the same, I don't have to be and I shouldn't be.

Over the past 9 months I have learned an incredible amount about this culture and what it means to live here [I learn more each day]. These people have become so ingrained in my heart--making them like family to me. Their lives have very much changed mine.

While I was at camp I felt like I was living that story. Speaking [some], sleeping, eating and acting like the people around me. I still stuck out buy I blended a little better than I used to. Although there is peace and comfort that has come with time and coming to know the art of blending--there also comes an overwhelming awareness of my separation. I am innately and intricately different.

Thoughts about separation have been floating around in my head but I can't quite figure out what I am to be learning from them. Here's what I've come up with...

Being separated from people you love is hard--especially when it's because of who you are. You can't change that.

Separation creates a bridge for a broader family, forcing us to find commonalities and to capitalize on them.

Separation requires cultural sensitivity, where not only do you watch how things are done but you learn and it becomes a part of who you are.

Separation is humbling.

I know that separation, though it hard and seemingly unwanted, allows for people to be who they are. I am about that.

When we deny our differences it's like we are denying a part of where we came from. In no way do I ever want the people I am around to change because I am there.

I think in the end, an ability to be comfortable with being separated and different fosters an idea of unity. Not fighting separation allows us accept it and be free from letting it matter.

Separation is freeing because it has no expectations. We are free to be who God created us to be and we are free to love other people in their created image.

A realization of our differences allows us to see how big and vast our God is. It allows us to see facets of Him we didn't know before and allows us to love bigger.

So, although camp was really hard by way of feeling like an outsider, when I allowed myself not to worry about being considered an outsider and just participated, I was blessed.

I found an understanding that celebrating not just separation but difference is yet another way to be pointed to our Creator who has created each person in a beautiful and grand image.

part 1: surprises.

2010-07-12T10:50:00.011+08:00

It generally takes me a good while to process things that happen in my life. Thus, camp and VBS have been at the top of my thoughts quite a lot, recently.

This trip was particularly special for me--it was my first real trip with Mongolians and put my language skills to the test.

From the first days of preperation, you would have looked at us and hoped we would even made it to our destination, much less arrive, survive and thrive. But, like most things in Mongolia, predictions are impossible and the level of success would present itself in a surprise ending.

Surprise! not only did everything work out fine, but it was one of the most wonderful trips I have ever [EVER] been on.

In case you didn't know, around April Erin and I decided we really wanted to have a joint youth camp. We mentioned it to our youth and they were overcome with joy about even the thought of this. We knew then that somehow we had to make it work.

Along with camp, my church decided they wanted to go on to another city to do a VBS with a church member of ours that just moved to start a church. I was apprehensive but they were excited and that was contagious.

Going to the countryside has a lot of understood implications...if you're Mongolian. However, I am not. So, some things were quite a surprise for me.

I was fully aware that we would be eating Mongolian food in a non-stop fashion. I have become quite ok with that--I really enjoy Mongolian food, on the whole. We had fresh milk, fresh yogurt and even fresh meat. I didn't know how fresh it would be--or how much of it we would eat--but it was all so fresh and delicious.

The chefs for the trip told me we would need to buy 2 whole goats to feed everyone for a week. That seemed fairly normal, considering their love for meat. However, whole is the key word to take note of here. Much like most people in the world, Mongolians eat all of the animal--intestines and all [and use poop for the fire].

A few weeks ago someone brought the intestines from an animal to my church and they cooked it in the guard's house. I didn't quite enjoy the smell and was terrified to eat stomach but my Mongolian friends thought it delicacy status, so, I tried it. I didn't hate it, but I also didn't want a whole bowl of it. I heard that this was what you eat when you go to the countryside so I was mentally preparing my mouth.

On the first evening of camp, they had already killed the first goat and it was time to cook the intestines. They started putting pieces on a stick and roasting them--like marshmallows. I couldn't believe it. After I finished laughing hysterically and thought "This is SO Mongolia" I decided it was worth a try. Talk about delicious!

From then on out, I ate it all. Stomach, lower intestine, upper intestine, liver, kidney, you name it, I ate it AND liked it.

photo credit: Erin

photo credit: one of my youth

Along with the food surprises came the really beautiful surprises--more like blessings.

The three churches have never done a lot of stuff together. There has been talk of doing things together and even some smaller things but a camp in the countryside for nearly a week had never been done with all three groups.

It could have very well been all things disastrous. Instead, it was all things beautiful.

The youth got along really well. They played soccer, volleyball, frisbee, screaming ninjas. They swam together in their underwear. They had small groups together, they worshiped together. It was a lot of togetherness and they handled it with grace and joy.

Surprise, blessing, mess, controlled chaos, fun, life--call it what you will, I enjoyed every second and counted all as a gift. I would gladly take all 55 Mongolians on another camp excursion tomorrow.

Because of the nature of this trip and my reflections, these stories will manifest themselves in a 3 part blog series. Which, for those of you who actually like to read my blog, that should be nice, because I haven't written much substance in a while.

So, part 1: surprises.

part 2: separation [which I can never spell]

part 3: riches.

countryside.

2010-07-08T08:33:00.005+08:00

my soul already longs to be in the countryside again.

retreats for me have always been healing and binding. i am a people person with everything that is inside of me--so, spending a week with my students was like pure energy.

i am bursting at the seems with hope and joy from the week. i am so proud of my youth and the way they handled everything. i haven't quite caught up on my rest or figured out exactly what i want to share yet, though. so, here's a few pictures from the trip that can give you a tiny taste of our time together.

tent man.

jumping pictures are universal.

worship and games around a big bonfire.

this is the river we got to play in. [bathing suits=underwear]

the ger [where i got to sleep for the first time!] and our tents.

the neighbor boy from next to the place where we stayed. epitome of cute.

little praying hands.

washing the children's feet and praying for them.

my youth and the kids from the VBS that my church did in another town after we had camp.

naked gers.

2010-06-14T21:10:00.002+08:00

though they are dainty, they are still yellow and a welcomed sight after such a long winter.

summer school is essentially code for: let's play outside.

blue skies are in abundance and make me feel anything but blue.

naked gers are almost as much fun as clothed ones.

a taste of mongolia.

2010-06-14T17:24:00.002+08:00

Congregational Development in Mongolia from Sushil Bhujbal on Vimeo.

Check out this fantastic video that one of our friends helped to make. This is one part in a four part series of videos from all over the world. You can find the others here. Thanks to our friend, Chris Heckert and the GBGM for doing a great job showing the world this unique place.

This video shares a lot of where my heart is present at right now and gives some insight into the lives of our Mongolian brothers and sisters.

Today, Mongolia doesn't look quite like that but you better believe that winter is real.

just as they happen.

2010-06-11T18:18:00.007+08:00

what i've been looking at:

what i've been listening to:

lovely bones:the dirty guv'nahs [listen here]

what i've been thinking about:

"...we ought to act with God in the greatest simplicity, speaking to Him frankly and plainly, and imploring His assistance in our affaris, just as they happen..."
practicing the presence of God:brother lawrence

what a beautiful God who "loves our affairs, just as they happen."

am I a та?

2010-06-09T07:00:00.001+08:00

"All grown ups are pirates." -Hook

Each afternoon into the evening, I hear children playing in the courtyard of our apartment complex. There is even a nice hopscotch game set up right beneath my window. At nearly every hour of the day you can hear a basketball being bounced on the finally unfrozen half-court.

Those kids stay out there for hours on end. Skipping their normal meals of meat, potatoes and carrots for their third or fourth popsicle of the day.

I've found here that spring really just means ice cream. Those words are basically synonymous. When it started being above 0 outside, kids started eating ice cream like it was going out of style.

Everyone opens their windows as if to air out their hibernation quarters. Now that it has gotten closer to what I call warm, I've even gotten into the popsicles and open windows.

Since the winter solstice we've been gaining 3-5 minutes of sunshine everyday. I've heard it said that in the height of the summer the sun will rise around 3 and set around 10. We're getting pretty close to that. I woke up to light around 4 this morning and it was still pretty light out last night until about 9:30. With all the sunshine, the grass and leaves have been growing. The mountains are now a nice shade of green.

As I sit here, I can hear the children outside playing. They play before school, after school and I'm convinced sometimes during school. I think they could live outside. Ever since the ground started unfreezing, they've been outside non-stop.

Right now, it is still a little chilly at night, especially with the wind. I think about the children outside for hours and hours not caring at all that it is still relatively chilly. They don't care. They have been inside way too long. I remember when I was a child, staying outside for long periods of time, too. I remember feeling cold but it didn't matter. I remember the feeling your arms and legs have when you come inside, it's tingly-almost like when your feet go to sleep. You have to unthaw but there are no regrets. You didn't even want to come inside, you would sleep outside if you could, or not even sleep at all.

Something changes, though. As you get older your brain tells you more and more that being cold isn't acceptable. Not only do we get cold and care but we forget how to play. I remember in 12th grade, my English Lit teacher harped, and harped would be a generous term, on the "loss of innocence." I understood what it meant, generally. I understood that it was expected and natural to lose your innocence.

It's natural to grow up and feel cold.

Although it's natural, I still feel a resistance to growing up. Sometimes here, cold is really just cold--no matter how you slice it.

In Mongolian culture you use two different words for "you." One is more formal and the other is less formal. Essentially, that translates to one you say to your friends and people younger than you and the other you say to your elders, people you respect. We have similar things like this in English. Some are less subtle and less used, though.

As my one year mark for graduating from Auburn has crept up and passed me by, I've started thinking about where I fall on the та/чи scale. Nothing inside of me feels like a та. Aside from not feeling like a та I am resisting it like crazy. I'm pretty scared of a lot of what that means and I don't even know what all that means. After all, Hook says, "All grown ups are pirates," so it doesn't seem that enticing.

An adult student of mine and I were talking a few weeks ago about this subject. She was talking about when she was turning 25 and feeling the same way. She said I started asking myself the question, "Am I a та?" She said it wasn't until she was 30 that she actually felt like an adult and she too, resisted it for as long as possible. Thankfully, I'm not 30 yet--or even 25, so I can rest easy for a little while longer.

Through all my thinking I've come up with an overarching statement about how I feel: growing up is weird.

I think the process is going to be accelerated when I get back to America [which I am also terrified of doing]. So, for now, I'll wait here in the land of чи. I'll return in 8 months and hopefully will be asking myself the question am I a та? for a long while.

Until then, I'll keep going outside and enjoying it. And I'll do my best to make eating popsicles for dinner, a lasting memory.

live together, die alone.

2010-06-02T22:28:00.003+08:00

8 months. 6 seasons.

upon our arrival in mongolia, erin and I had about 10 dvds. together.

with our first 2 months being completely consumed by the h1n1 crisis, those 10 dvds became quite well worn. so, we began the search for something to watch online. perfect plan, right? you can watch almost anything online. well, not when you live in mongolia. nope. it knows. the internet knows and it says things like "We're sorry we cannot stream outside of the US." I stand by my opinion that the "We're sorry" is the fakest apology i've ever heard.

so, i'm not going to say exactly how it happened, but we began exploring other avenues for watching shows online. with a few downloads and a small fee, we could watch things on netflix. come to find out, netflix downloads at the rate of Christmas when you're 7 years old. download 15 minutes, watch 5 minutes. That makes for a lot of effort for a short amount of entertainment.

we decided to practice our patience with netflix and search through the seasons that had available for watching. i kept seeing lost and thinking, "hey, i've heard it's good, but i'm not sure if we're that hip." well, those weren't exactly my thoughts but...similar.

i proposed the lost idea to erin. she accepted and we made the decision to embark on the lost journey. we faithfully watched...in 5 minute increments.

neither one of us could believe that we had jumped on the lost bandwagon. especially with the last and final season coming up in a few short months. there was no way, at the rate we were going, to catch up, in this century. but we had nothing else to do, so it worked.

although the 5 minutes were juicy and worth it [that's not true] it got old really fast. the search for easier viewing was on again. this time, with more of a success. we found some sites where you could download an episode at a time. it took about an hour to download the whole episode but it was worth it. especially after our bout with netflix.

so, we were getting along pretty well with this method. getting really into it. i think we even made it season 3.

then...cambodia. the land of dvds walked into our lives and we got the first 5 seasons. it was like candy. we had mini lost marathons and we finished up pretty soon after cambodia. we even finished in just enough time to begin catching up with the rest of the world. of course that had to happen via the download-wait method because we were out of dvds. it was ok, though because were catching up.

so, we did. we caught up with america.

we were right there [well a day behind] when sun and jin died [which was the most tragic lost moment, at least for me].
we were right there when locke turned into the smoke monster [gross].
we were right there when we found out that jacob and no-name really were brothers [i'd been thinking that for a while].

then, came the day when it all ended. that came on a monday for us. we searched for the links to the episode all day until we finally found them. we stayed up until 1 o'clock in the morning to watch it. we cried and we were satisfied.

with each passing day i'm increasingly satisfied with the ending of lost. our journey to the end of lost seemed as appropriately epic as lost itself. if you've never watched it...i wish i could say skip the beginning and just watch the end but that's impossible. everything you watch makes you appreciate the end that much more. it's not bittersweet, it's just beautiful. and i usually don't say that about tv.

i have a sneaky suspicion they might all go live on the island again--gilligan island style.

when all was said and done, they stood by their motto: live together, die alone.

if i had to start the journey again, even beginning with netflix, i would.

Alabama in a box.

2010-05-29T09:19:00.003+08:00

Knowing that there is a package from my family in transit always reminds of waiting on Christmas when I was little. It usually takes about a month and my dad is about ready to burst by the time it gets here.

Each box has things that I've mentioned would be good to have. This particular box asked for a Bible, some corn starch (to make really fun gooey stuff with my kids), some vitamins for some of the children I know here and some seeds to plant in our tiny balcony garden. Aside from that I knew some other things that would be in there but the rest were surprises.

I was surprised when I opened it and found 2 of my favorite dresses, my chacos, a new really cool pair of sneakers from my sister, muffin mixes, honey roasted crunchy peanut butter, GRAVY mix and bacon...a plethora of the kind of bacon you find that's already pre-cooked. There was also some mail...an Auburn Alum brochure (sad) and a letter from my compassion child, Wilber that he signed himself!

I think I must have nearly cried when I opened. It seemed as if Alabama was bursting from every corner of the box. I awoke this morning with great enthusiasm to make some homemade biscuits with gravy and bacon! A treat, for sure.

Erin and I are about to make a trip to the black market and I plan on wearing my chacos. When I got them out of the box, the bottoms had all kinds of mud and dirt stuck to them. I was never happier to see Alabama dirt.

My parents did an excellent job and I'd be pretty satisfied if I didn't get any more packages while I'm here. But, knowing them, they've already started gathering little surprises for the next package.

It's great to be loved and it's great to receive Alabama in a box--half way around the world (literally).

come Lord Jesus and take your place

2010-05-28T09:29:00.002+08:00

Jesus, we enthrone you
we proclaim you are king
standing here, in the midst of all
we raise you with our praise

and as we worship fill the throne
Come Lord Jesus and take your place

Есүс бидний хаан минь ээ
энэ газар ирээч
хаан ширээнд залраач эзэн минь
магтаалыг хүлээн авна үү
их эзэнээ магтан дүүлцгаая
их эзэнээ өргөн хүн дэлцгээе
хаан болсон Есүс их эзэн минь
хааны сүүдлаас буднийг захираач

These are the words to my current praise song that we sing here. In Mongolian and in English.

I love the last part..."Come Lord Jesus and take your place." If only our lives could lend themselves to putting Jesus in the place He belongs. What a praise that would be to Him.

mighty rushing wind.

2010-05-24T10:43:00.005+08:00

I don't have too many distinct memories of Pentecost before today. I mean I've always known the day and what it meant but it isn't often a widely celebrated day. The one other memory I have is from when I was a freshman at Auburn, at Sunday Night Worship for the Wesley Foundation. I remember someone cut out little tongues of fire and had them blown down from big fans in the balcony.

But yesterday--this Pentecost--was different. I started the day like this:

And suddenly there came from heaven a sound like a mighty rushing wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting... [acts 2.2]

Each Sunday morning I help lead Sunday School for a Kindergarten class. Our classroom is a small ger. When I woke up in the morning, I could already hear the wind. By the time we arrived at church, in our small ger, it was even stronger. You could hear the wind all around. We were sharing wooshing, violent, rushing wind sounds with the children like we imagined it was on that morning and the children were all enjoying being loud. Then, as if it were planned, the top flap on the roof of our ger caught some wind and began making loud noises and allowed for some wind to come in and fill our ger. It wasn't magical or anything and I'm sure it was a lot less violent then on that Pentecost morning, but it sure was incredible to be reminded that it was a real day, seemingly much like ours.

I imagine this day for the followers. I imagine upon their first wake they too knew this day was different. It's like the calm before a storm, you just know that something is different in the air. Here, too, that seemed to be the case. On Saturday, the temperatures were in the high 70s, maybe even reaching 80. But then, Sunday, the high was barely 55. It was obviously different, special.

I imagine everyone together, experiencing it all together. I imagine the chitter chatter and their reaction. I imagine their feelings and thoughts when ..they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit gave them utterance... [acts 2.4]

I imagine the languages swirling around in the wind, resting on ears and speaking sometimes without comprehension for everyone. As my life has come to exist in other tongues, I've realized that comprehension is often depicted less through words and more through interpretation. Interpretation relies on the heart, it is seen in eyes and gestures and is felt through communion with the other person.

There is comfort and freedom in not being able to understand everything that is said. There is freedom because it allows me to listen with my heart rather than my ears alone. As discouraging as it is not to be able to understand everything sometimes, I'm grateful for the ability to love in a different way.

I did not magically understand languages or have some great enlightenment about life this Pentecost. Although I do not speak Mongolian and it will never be my mother language, I have found peace and been able to depict that the words that are being said are ...describing God's mighty works! [acts 2:11]

Pentecost is coming to mean a celebration beyond all barriers--coming together with other believers and comprehending with our hearts.

it lies beyond us.

2010-05-21T20:07:00.003+08:00

It helps, now and then, to step back and take a long view. The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts, it is even beyond our vision. We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the magnificent enterprise that is God's work.

Nothing we do is complete, which is a way of saying that the kingdom always lies beyond us.

No statement says all that could be said.

No prayer fully expresses our faith.

No confession brings perfection.

No pastoral visit brings wholeness.

No program accomplishes the church's mission.

No set of goals and objectives includes everything.

This is what we are about.

We plant the seeds that one day will grow.

We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise.

We lay foundations that will need further development.

We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities.

We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and to do it very well. It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord's grace to enter and do the rest.

We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker.

We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs.

We are prophets of a future not our own.

Amen. [Prayer of Oscar Romero]

Our life is about (at least I think so) living in the freedom that comes from the realization that we cannot, should not and do not have to do everything. We focus on the present and on our vocation in loving and knowing Jesus.

The kingdom that lies beyond us is beautiful, unfathomable and we get to be a small part of it. What an exquisite display of God's love--that we would get to play a part.

This prayer is a beautiful reminder of how we are to live our lives--full of meaning, freedom and faith in the one who guides it all.

25 cent tour.

2010-05-16T20:01:00.000+08:00

Please allow me to paint you a Mongolian picture.

Peace Avenue is the main road running through the city. Naturally so, when I want to go sit somewhere to read on a beautiful day like today, I need to travel this oh-so-busy road.

So imagine, this road with me. It all starts here... "I need to go to the Post Office" or "I want to look for some new white board markers" or "Let's go sit and read at Cafe Amsterdam" or any other thought that might go through your mind. 9 times out of 10, you need to go down Peace Avenue for all your desires. There are countless schools, The Wrestling Palace, The State Department Store, Sukhbaatar Square (the main square downtown), restaurants, a Louis Vuitton store (necessity, right? not for me), the main Post Office for the country, etc. You name it, it's on Peace Avenue.

Along with all these places, there is the public transportation system. Now there is the picture's center piece...the transportation system and me. Together, we're a pair.

There are a lot of buses here. Some are yellow, some green, blue, red, white, even pink. And they all have a rather mysterious destination. I say mysterious only because it's mysterious to me. Everyone else seems to know exactly which bus they should get on. I just cross my fingers and get on hoping that the mysterious destination in the name isn't quite as mysterious anymore.

By trial and error Erin and I have conquered many situations with a bus that costs about 25 cents rather than a taxi that costs nearly 2 dollars (we're really cheap). And we're even better than the very beginning of our time here when I'm fairly certain we walked about 20 miles in two days because we were afraid of all other forms of transportation.

Erin and I are by no means bus experts but we have gotten braver by the day. We now take nearly any bus that we think will get us where we want to go. Thus said, we find ourselves in some interesting situations.

My pretty frequent situation is a silent scream (it's really loud in my head!) that my bus will not turn next to tbe post office--off of Peace Avenue. I'll give you a guess at how often that screaming works. If you guessed "not so often" or "never" you're pretty accurate.

The bus almost always turns when I don't want it to. If you know me well, you'll probably think that is funny because you can guess my reaction. Although everything is silent, my face tells it all.

Thankfully, I'm used to it now and I know all the little shortcuts for when it does turn. I actually expect it to turn and it's like a little gift when it doesn't. It's always an adventure.

If you'd like to have a fun bus experience with Holli and Erin. We have tours, the going rate is 25 cents. We'd love to have you.

wherever you are.

2010-05-07T08:34:00.006+08:00

“You can never go home again, but the truth is you can never leave home, so it’s all right.”

–Maya Angelou

Today, right now, this is my home. I love making places feel like home. Mongolia is my home today but I have many homes.

On another, slightly related, note, I am reading Ecclesiastes right now and I really like this:

"He has made everything beautiful in its time...I perceive that there is nothing better for [us] than to be joyful and to do good as long as [we] live." -Ecclesiastes 3:11a, 12

We need nothing more than to be joyful. We shouldn't long for other homes or places. We can learn to be present and at home wherever we are because the Lord is with us.

Home and joy are things we can take with us wherever we are.

free hugs.

2010-05-05T20:24:00.002+08:00

Today, as I was walking downtown I ran into this group of girls in the town's square giving out free hugs.

I immediately thought of my friend, Ross, and when he had a "free hugs" day on the Concourse at Auburn, University. It was a beautiful day and a lot of fun.

I gave them a big hug and told them about my friend, Ross, and how everyone thought it was really fun and nice. The girls knew enough English to have a short conversation with me but I think they really wanted to get back to hugging.

I asked them if it was the first time they had ever done that and they said yes. They said they thought it was the first time for "free hugs" in Mongolia. Which I thought was pretty cool.

I think the most beautiful part about it is that right now is tourist season here. Starting May 1st I've seen more tourists than I've seen in the 6 months I've been here. So, whether or not they meant for their "free hugs" day to be in tourist season or not, it still was.

What a beautiful picture of hospitality and love.

seedlings.

2010-05-04T21:59:00.004+08:00

We've become quite the trash-to-treasure people here. We have a big box of milk and juice cartons, cereal boxes, egg cartons, toilet paper rolls, glass jars, tin cans and many other curious items. I'm always trying to figure out new things to make for and with my students. So, after Erin and I planted some seeds that her mom had sent us a while ago--I decided to try it out with my students.

We used these egg cartons as seed starters. We planted some vegetables and flowers. We're going to be measuring the growth of our plants and hopefully planting them in the garden, that our church has, when they get big enough.

Planting seeds and saving our "trash" are just some of the beautiful ways we have a blessed life, here. It's life-giving to use, grow and share things with one another.

Life here is sweet and good.

It is good to taste of the Lord's goodness, especially with my brothers and sisters.

ebb and flow.

2010-04-22T15:00:00.002+08:00

"His welcome refreshed me and made me see something that's easy to lose sight of in our infernally busy lives. That we exist for each other, and when we're at a low ebb, sometimes just to see the goodness radiating from another can be all we need in order to rediscover it in ourselves."
-pg. 367, The Cloister Walk:Kathleen Norris

I've been thinking a lot about how life ebbs and flows. After all, that is the title of my blog. Even though, I know that is how life is, I sometimes still forget, especially in those low ebbs and exciting flows.

Not only is the ebbing and flowing natural but it also makes you appreciate the other more. It's like joy existing with sorrow. We're not supposed to separate them. They accentuate each other. Essentially, that's what keeps us alive--the ebbing and flowing of our lives merging with those around us.

The ebb and flow of life have become natural for my life in Mongolia. Just saying that brings my thoughts to a pause. It wasn't always natural. I remember that it at one time was extremely difficult and somewhat painful. Today, it doesn't cease to be difficult and sometimes it is still painful but the nature of my life is consistent, sustaining and joy filled.

Staying in those paused thoughts, I am brought to an intense sentiment of thankfulness. I remember the people that were consistent for me--helping me get to a natural balance here. And I'm reminded of the quote again: "That we exist for each other, and when we're at a low ebb, sometimes just to see the goodness radiating from another can be all we need in order to rediscover it in ourselves." The beauty is that our brothers and sisters were created to point us back to our hearts--where our creator resides.

The longer I have been here the more natural it has become for me to consider the people here a part of my family. My church family. My global family. They are my brothers and sisters. I care deeply about them. My family--my church--is growing and I'm becoming deeply aware of our connection to one another.

From my time in Mongolia, the way I think about us belonging to each other has been solidified. Serving globally does something to your heart. In becoming acutely aware of the needs of our brothers and sisters wherever we are, we are thus more in tune with the needs of our other brothers and sisters, everywhere.

The beautiful part about this heart change is realizing that because we are family, a big family, we have not only a responsibility but a desire to meet our brother's and sister's needs.

Even though, here in Mongolia, we are not struggling with diseases like Malaria or AIDS (that's about the only thing that makes us thankful for the extreme cold), our brothers and sisters in other places are. Because of our awareness of the connection to our family across the world, we feel pain with them. We mourn and suffer with them in all their struggles. We offer our hearts, prayers and lives to be in solidarity with them.

In the ebbing and flowing of life we become vulnerable and our we share our needs with the communities surrounding us. We both give and receive love and care. In this, we realize that not only do we need each other but our ebb affects another's flow and that all plays into the great balance of creation.

We more than need each other, we exist because of each other.

So, sister, I'll ebb,
brother, you flow.

we're raising a cat-dog.

2010-04-15T10:00:00.001+08:00

It's been a while since I shared some of our quirks and joys. We're quite used to most things Mongolian but some things you can't do anything but laugh about. Hope you enjoy...

1. A few weeks ago our oven just stopped working. We were about to bake something luckily we were able to cook it on the stove top as well. So, we just made do with our stove top and exhausted nearly every Mongolia-possible recipe we knew.

We waited for further instructions on what to do about our bake-less situation. In the meantime, we borrowed a microwave from Helen (our boss here). The next day, we got a new, shiny, wonderful oven. It has actual temperatures on it, unlike our old oven. Needless to say, we were more than excited. We baked a peach cobbler in it.

You can find a full report on all things cooking and baking, specifically our new oven, here, at our baking blog.

2. Spring has arrived in Mongolia. Well, it is arriving--it's a little bit of a slow process. While my friends in the South are already wearing shorts, we're breaking out our smaller coats with less pairs of long underwear.

Spring is an interesting term here--a relative term. Mongolians tell me that sometimes spring is nice, and some days it is just like winter. 35 degrees (that's warm!) one day and snowing non-stop the next. This Alabamian is over winter. My hammock that I promptly put up after are return from Cambodia (in January!) is waiting oh so patiently on our balcony.

3. Our cat is literally crazy. We are convinced that Dobby lived outside before we adopted her. She really likes is obsessed with our plants...well mainly, the dirt. Yesterday, she spent the day trying to empty the contents of one of our planters just to play in the dirt. Weirdo.

She also has become very, very fascinated (again, obsessed) with water. When one of us is in the shower, she cries outside the door because she wants to come in so badly. Countless times during a day, you can walk past the bathroom and find her sitting in the sink, staring at the faucet. The best part is she looks at you like she is doing something wrong. Somewhere deep down inside I think she knows it's not normal for cats to like water. Weirdo, I say!

And most recently we've decided she must have been raised by dogs. She loves chewing things, lately her chew-of-choice is paper. Don't leave anything out you care about. She'll rip it to shreds. I literally watched her eat a piece of paper the other day. Weirdo, weirdo, weirdo.

Though weirdo she may be, we're thankful for her crazy company.

it fills your cup.

2010-04-12T14:29:00.044+08:00

"The thing about light is that it really isn't yours; it's what you gather and shine back. And it gets more power from reflectiveness; if you sit still and take it in, it fills your cup, and then you can give it off yourself." pg. 228 Traveling Mercies:Anne Lamott

I have a slight anxiety about finishing things. I have been holding out on about 5 books, not wanting to finish them. I had about 6 pages in Henri Nouwen's book Here and Now and 10 pages in Anne Lamott's Traveling Mercies. I decided yesterday was the day to finish at least those two. Now I'm on a sprint to finish the 3 others I've started:: Three Cups of Tea, Follow Me to Freedom and Dare to Love Completely.

Just as I have anxiety about finishing books, I have found that I also have anxiety about finishing parts of life. I'll forewarn you that what I'm about to say will sound ridiculous. I have roughly 10 more months in Mongolia and I'm already dreading leaving.

I remember at the start of my senior year of college, I was already sad about leaving college. I think it is my way of preparing so that when it actually comes it won't be so difficult.

When I think about my time here I realize how much like home Mongolia has become. I have moved my life here. It has been difficult but it has become such a joy. I have learned to trust wholly in the Lord and His timing and faithfulness.

I'm anxious to leave and move to a new place and start the learning and loving process all over. I'm anxious because I know my heart will be once again ripped in another direction. But as I'm anxious I also know that I would have it no other way.

I'm comforted by this verse from The Psalms:

"Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord. you have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4:7-8

So, with the peace that God gives, I realize that my heart is overflowing and filled with a greater joy. There is no need to be anxious. There is nothing more fulfilling for me than going somewhere and knowing that above all else I have loved with my whole heart.

So, for the next 10 months, I will not be anxious, but remember that my cup is filled and that loving with my whole heart is true joy. I pray that the joy that fills my heart would become a light and that the presence of the Lord that lives in my life would shine.

mongol easter.

2010-04-09T16:46:00.004+08:00

To celebrate the new-life and joy that Easter brings us, we decorated the ceiling of our worship ger with beautiful, handmade butterflies.

Knowing that this would most likely be my only Easter here, I had a feeling it would be special no matter what. However, I had no idea how much a part it would play in my faith. Every year for as long as I can remember, I have always loved Easter and really tried to allow it to have meaning deep down in my soul. I wanted to be newly changed by Easter each year. This year, Easter was special because I not only got to celebrate it with people I have genuinely come to love but also because I got to celebrate it with a people who have been redeemed and their lives have been changed by our Savior. It is not a national holiday or even well-understood in the church here, but I think the reality of Easter affects their every day life. It affects who they are today and tomorrow.

I learned a lot from the Disciples when reflecting on Easter this year. Probably my favorite part about the Easter story is the after. When Jesus appears to the disciples, I think their reaction is funny, accurate most likely, but still funny. I love this: "Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter "It is the Lord!" As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, "It is the Lord" he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water" (John 21:7). Thank you Peter! I cannot think of a better reaction.

I think the biggest thing I learned was that after the Resurrection the disciples' lives changed. They were different, filled and ready to be who they were meant to be. It took a little prodding, sure, but Jesus's death and life was a life changing event.

We are supposed to be different after Easter! It is supposed to change us and fill us and be full of meaning. It is not just a day.

Thankfully I'm a lot like the disciples, sometimes unfaithful and doubtful but also moldable. I can be changed.

best friend, thank you.

2010-03-27T23:18:00.004+08:00

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

Hillsong:Desert Song

A while back my best friend told me to listen to this song because she thought it was beautiful. I did and I agreed fully. My list of favorite Hillsong songs grows weekly, I think. Tonight, it came on one of my Genius mixes on itunes and the last verse struck me like I'd never heard it before.

"I know I'm filled to be emptied again..."

This is something that's been on my heart a lot lately and i think it is one of the most beautiful parts of life. We are filled to be emptied to be filled and so on and so on. It seems like each time I am emptied a little more of me is removed so that I can be more filled with God. I've got a long way to go so I will continue to be emptied to be filled.

Because of God's faithfulness to provide and continuously fill me,

I have a reason to sing.
I have a reason to worship.

slush.

2010-03-27T09:35:00.000+08:00

Spring is arriving...thank goodness.

Although I am more than excited about a day that entails a high of 31 (THIRTY ONE!) all the snow and ice is melting into the dirt filled streets leaving a slushy, dirty walk anywhere.

When the green shows up on those trees, you'll be able to hear my joyful cry from wherever you are.

cooking together.

2010-03-23T12:07:00.000+08:00

A few weeks ago a cooking class spontaneously came out of a day of baking. The ladies at church asked me to teach them how to make cake. I was excited about this opportunity for many reasons, but mostly just to share and interact with these ladies that I have come to love so very much.

We made some cupcakes and cookies. It was a mess to say the least. I did not think about needing to convert the measurements into the metric system for them. Eventually, we figured it out and we had a lot of fun.

I'm not sure who came up with the idea to have cooking class every week but we decided that it should and that it should be international, learning how to make foods from all over the world.

We started off with French food.

The quiche was quite a hit and very delicious.

The next week we made Mexican food. You can see pictures from that delicious taco-filled day at our baking blog, here.

In the next few weeks, we'll be making Indian food, Korean food, Mongolian food, Greek food (maybe) and Russian food, to name a few.

I mentioned a little bit about this on the cooking blog but being able to share a meal and talk with these ladies has been such a blessing for me. Cooking and eating is something that all people do. No matter who you are or where you are from.

Cooking brings people together because it is a part of our every day life. When we cook together, we are living life together. When we live life together, we can be a part of each other's ebbing and flowing.

In that cooking, sharing and living we are blessed with great meaning.

birthdays.

2010-03-14T08:02:00.004+08:00

"Celebrating a birthday reminds us of the goodness of life, and in this spirit we really need to celebrate people's birthdays every day, by showing gratitude, kindness, forgiveness, gentleness, and affection. These are ways of saying: "It's good that you are alive; it's good that you are walking with me on this earth. Let's be glad and rejoice. This is the day that God has made for us to be and to be and to be together." Henri Nouwen: Here and Now, page 21

One of the greatest joys I have had recently is getting to share one of my youth's birthdays with her.

Tumee has quickly become one of the kids I am closest with. She is hilarious and sweet and has such a joyful spirit.

I was excited just to get to bake her something special for her birthday but when I arrived at church that morning, she had something even better in mind. She asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with her (I think you get in free on your birthday). I was so excited that she wanted to spend time with me on her birthday. I thought it would be a group of people but it ended up just being the two of us.

I made arrangements to skip Senior Citizen group that afternoon and head to the movies with my newly 15 year old friend.

When we got there, it was a debate between Wolfman, Girlfriends and Valentine's Day. Unfortunately the showings for Wolfman and Valentine's Day didn't fit into our schedule so we got to watch Girlfriends--the Korean chick flick with Mongolian subtitles. I would tell you how it was but I made up a story line for everything I saw, so I'm not actually sure if it was any good.

Afterwards we got to share some pizza together and we taught each other Mongolian and English. It was a beautiful day for me and I hope that it was for her too.

I was so blessed and honored to get to be a part of that day with her. I think it may have been one of the only ways she celebrated her birthday.

I think I may have started a birthday trend among my other students, but I am thankful for that opportunity to get to celebrate. We can say, "It's good that you are alive; it's good that you are walking with me on this earth. Let's be glad and rejoice. This is the day that God has made for us to be and to be and to be together."

Make sure you celebrate birthdays with joy and thankfulness.

dance of life.

2010-03-08T20:00:00.006+08:00

I won't turn left and I won't turn right

I will not stray from the path that's right

But I'll keep on singing and I'll keep on reaching

And I'll follow, follow, follow Jesus Christ

If you know me at all, you know I don't like to dance. Don't ask me why, I don't know. I was not one of those kids who took dance lesson after dance lesson. It never really amazed or intrigued me. Someone once told me that I would find my "dance" in college. That has now come and gone and I still haven't found said "dance."

A couple of weeks ago they sang this song at church. I'm fairly certain that it is from a Vacation Bible School somewhere but it was easy enough for them to learn in English, so they did. I didn't mind, I was happy to be able to read the words to a song.

This song immediately stuck with me. Not just because of the English words but because of the dance, too. Nearly every song we sing at church has a dance that goes with it. It always make me slightly uncomfortable because they always ask me to dance along with them, joining in the sometimes crazy motions. And I haven't quite found my ability to look like a complete fool yet.

But, ever since I learned this song, I've been doing the motions--dancing--frequently. The song is so joyful for me because I feel connected to everyone at church as I join in with them. I am able to take part in something that expresses their love for God and in turn am able to praise Him too.

As I am bursting at the seems with joy, already saddened at the thought of leaving Mongolia, I remember the beginning. I remember how scared I was and how hard it was to be here. I remember everything being such a challenge. I remember tears and I remember sorrow.

I remember those days and I realize that I don't have to stay in the sorrow, I can keep on singing. I also realize that even that connects me with my Mongolian brothers and sisters. I was reminded the other day of something really beautiful about so many people from around the world. So many people are joyful, faithful and grateful even when they often don't have much reason to be. Their joy, faith and gratefulness come from somewhere deeper. A place of simplicity and appreciation for every breath.

That reminder along with with some other reminders from a book I recently started reading I have been awakened again to the reality that joy and sorrow exist together. Neither one should cast shadows over the other. In our joy we remember sorrow for the closeness to God that it brought. And in our sorrow we are pointed to something greater, something joyful. Both give us cause to celebrate the One who is the giver of it all.

"Jesus shows, both in his readings and in his life, that true joy often is hidden in the midst of our sorrow, and that the dance of life finds its beginnings in grief." Henri Nouwen: Here and Now, page 47

I would not call my beginnings in Mongolia grievous but I would call the dance I'm finding to be the dance of life. I am joyfully remembering my sorrow.

I'll keep on singing and I'll keep on dancing.

photographs.

2010-03-03T15:39:00.003+08:00

A while ago while walking to church from my bus stop I turned around to make sure a car wasn't about to run over me (that is a common concern) and I was stunned. What I saw when I turned around was the most beautiful view of the mountains.

Ulaanbaatar is a little city (the biggest in Mongolia) set in the middle of the mountains. It is a rare occasion in the winter that you can see more than 10 feet in front of you. The smog is usually so thick you can barely breathe.

But that day, you could see. It wasn't clear by any stretch of the imagination but it stopped me. Right there, on the side of the road, I stopped and I stared at this beautiful place that I call home.

For a minute I thought to myself , "I wish I had my camera." Then I realized that I was grateful I didn't. Lately I have been thinking about the things that are un-capturable (new word, probably) by a photograph.

I love the idea of filling my heart with photographs that maybe no one else will ever see. It is like only sharing some things with the creator of the universe. Or maybe I just want to remember things a little grander than they actually were. Either way, I want a filled heart.

Remembering that morning brings me to a new understanding of sight. Those mountains were always there. Although they were covered by thick smog, I don't think I was looking for them.

As my love for Mongolia grows with each day I am brought to new realities. I am brought to realities about what it truly means to be living life alongside my brothers and sisters. I have found new realities about God's love for His Sheep and how that translates into my life. I have found a new reality about what it means to live a life of presence.

Through a conversation this morning, I became convicted about my understanding of seeing and hearing God. I like to believe that different and new situations bring us to places where we can better hear God speaking to us. I don't believe that is true. My new reality is that He speaks to us everywhere, we just have to pay attention.

It's like the mountains--they did not disappear behind the smog and reappear when I was paying attention. They were always there. The smog isn't always the only thing blinding us. We have to come to the reality that we are part of the blinding.

I am thankful for the days where I am convicted. I'm thankful that I serve a God filled with forgiveness. I am thankful that I am not only forgiven but free to be changed. I am free to fill my heart with photographs.

I can see the mountains everyday.

comfortable-ness.

2010-02-24T19:34:00.002+08:00

With laughter, a constantly ringing doorbell and a large supply of cheese pita pizzas, on Monday night we said "see you later" to one of our close friends, Nandia. She is studying abroad in Korea for the next year. I am excited for her but also very sad (and selfish), because she is one of the best English speakers I know here.

The party evolved from a simple question from one of the young adults at my church, "Do you cook delicious food?"

"Of course," I jokingly told Bulgaa after he asked if I made delicious food. So, I began inviting some people over. Eventually, the party turned into a goodbye party for Nandia. I wanted to give her one weeks ago but she protested. She is modest and at that time she was having visa problems. But Sunday she had no valid excuses because she was leaving on Wednesday morning. The party would happen and there would be food--delicious food (hopefully).

I had no idea who would show up or when. Mongolians beat to their own drum most of the time. Erin helped me clean and cook. We made delicious cupcakes (chai and homemade funfetti!) and I made a ton of spaghetti and cheese pita pizzas, Helen and Michael contributed a veggie tray and fruit jello. Most of the food was a hit--with the exception of the spaghetti. Don't ask me why, I don't know.

We played the craziest game of spoons I've ever played, we played crazy Mongolian games, there was poker in one corner, some of them found my new stash of chocolate (thanks katie!), we signed a journal for Nandia, sang the goodbye-God-bless-you song and prayed for our dear friend. Oh, and there was also a photo shoot with Nandia at the end...everyone wanted their picture taken with her.

The party was a hit.

Nandia played a joke on me.

I taught them a shoe game that my friend Austin loves.

Zolaa spoke to me in Korean and pretended it was Mongolian.

We laughed.

We sang.

We prayed.

But the thing that brought me the most joy was their comfortable-ness. (Is that a word?) I have been praying, worrying, struggling, praying, praying and praying about connecting with the youth and young adults from my church. I beat myself up so much about not being able to talk to them and I count heavily on the things that require no language.

It was hard to say goodbye to Nandia but so beautifully ironic that on the night that I said goodbye to my English speaking friend, I finally felt connected to a group of people that don't speak English.

be free.

2010-02-18T22:53:00.003+08:00

How beautiful that we are simply and freely children--expected to make mistakes but loved just the same.

I was reminded recently about how the Gospel gives us freedom. My friend said that the Gospel gives us "freedom to simply be His sons and daughters." That speaks so much truth into my life.

Children have always been a source of joy in my life. I love being around children. They are hilarious, free, giving, stingy, dirty, soft and geniuses. I've learned countless things from children. One of my favorite parts of being a child is that it gives so much freedom. Children do not know everything and they don't have to. They are essentially expected to make mistakes--learning as they go. Even in though they make mistakes they are loved just the same. It's unconditional. Sure, kids get in trouble--sometimes they do know the right thing--but on the whole they are simply forgiven without question.

That's the beauty of the Gospel--among many other things--that we are free to simply be children.

God doesn't expect us to be perfect, He knows we're going to mess up. But, He loves us just the same. He loves us through it and beyond it and then tells and allows us to be children again.

Be free.

not hectic.

2010-02-17T09:54:00.002+08:00

"There are some people who, in order not to pray, use an excuse the fact that life is so hectic that it prevents them from praying.

This cannot be.

Prayer does not demand that we interrupt our work, but that we continue working as if it were a prayer.

It is necessary to always be meditating, nor to consciously experience the sensation that we are talking to God, no matter how nice this would be. What matters is being with him, living in him, in his will. To love with a pure heart, to love everybody, especially to love the poor, is a twenty-four-hour prayer."

Mother Teresa

technicolor.

2010-02-15T08:53:00.007+08:00

A few days ago someone sent this video for me to watch. After I watched it I couldn't stop thinking about it.

How should I ever claim to know what is good or what is bad?

I remember at the beginning of my time here, I was really frustrated with teaching English all the time. I

couldn't understand how learning English would really better their lives. Erin, so graciously, reminded me

that i do not know what is good for them. She reminded me that only God knows. I needed to hear that

(even though I strongly resisted it at the time).

At four months I think I can safely say that is what I have learned the most about, realizing who

everything is about. I have realized God is the only one who knows what is good. I am coming to

believe with all of me that "[His] grace is sufficient for [me], for [His] power is made perfect in

weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Mongolia, if I could define it in relation to my life, would mean not Holli. Being here has been a

continuous process of ridding myself of myself. I am being emptied and I know it is because I

am to be filled.

I like what Aaron Weiss has to say in that video because it stops me from looking at myself. It

reminds me that I am not the one who knows what is good or what is bad, it removes me from

any importance. So often we think we know about what is good or bad. We divide the world into

things that are easily understood and distinguishable. The world teaches and encourages us to

believe it is black and white--that there are absolutes. Most of all, it encourages us to think we

have control over those absolutes. And that is dangerous because when we start to believe that

we have control over something, we think we can fix it when it goes wrong. Then we begin

believing we are the most important part of every situation.

I nor any of my abilities are the most important part of any situation.

After learning that, again and again, I think my thick skull might be letting those thoughts actually

sink in and become reality. What those thoughts look like sunk in, are me being freed to let go of

my notions of the world. I am able to be found in my unfaithfulness, forgiven and then let the Lord

who loves steadfast say:

"I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and

compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord." Hosea 2:19-20

Because I am betrothed, to the creator, I am freed to be reconciled to Him, our pure and faithful

groom. I become like Gomer--undeserving but shown mercy.

At the end of my time in Mongolia, when I go back home, and people ask me about my time here--

I hope that I will be able to tell them that it wasn't about anything I did. Instead I want to proclaim that

I still have no proper knowledge of what is good or bad. I want to proclaim only that I know who is

good. I want to share that nothing about Mongolia has to do with Holli. I want to bring glory to God

by pointing everything back to Him. I want to be on my knees singing...

"...at the cross you beckon me, draw me gently to me knees, and I am lost for words, so lost in love.

I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered..." Sweetly Broken:Jeremy Riddle

My being here has brought me to a place I have never been. Broken. It is a different kind of broken. It is

truecomplete and delightful. I want to declare that I am broken but filled.

It has also brought me out of a world of absolutes. It has shown me that the world that God sees--the

creator of it all--is in technicolor. If I am a Jesus follower, then I, too, am to see the world in technicolor.

Technicolor not only makes the world brighter--it makes none of it about me. It shades everything in such

a way that takes the spotlight off of us,and makes it about everyone else. It makes it about His children,

my brothers and sisters--and points us back to Him.

In that technicolor world, we are able to be restored. We are able to see ourselves the way God sees us.

We are able to see needs and to seek His justice. We are able to listen as God responds to us--giving

ourselves to Him.

"In that day I will respond, declares the Lord--I will respond to the skies, and they will respond to the earth...

I will plant her for myself in the land; I will show my love to the one I called 'Not my loved one.' I will say to

those called 'Not my people,' 'You are my people,' and they will say, 'You are my God.'" Hosea 2:21,23

And we are finally free enough from ourselves so that we can believe and proclaim "You are my God."

everything "traditional."

2010-02-13T08:57:00.002+08:00

Tsagaan Sar Eve.

What is that you may ask. I don't really have a good answer.

Tsagaan means white and sar means moon. So, put it together and you get white moon. This is a Mongolian "traditional" holiday of the Lunar New Year. There are two main holidays in Mongolia. One of them is Tsagaan Sar and the other is Naadam Festival. Naadam is in the summer and is an lyompic style celebration of Mongolia's free country status. There are three main sports: archery, horse racing and wrestling.

My observations about Tsagaan Sar are that it is a lot like Christmas in the United States, because:

1. They clean their houses, top to bottom.

2. They buy presents for everyone in their family.

3. They cook everything under the sun.

4. Everyone in their family comes over to visit them and they go visit everyone in their family. I think they must apparate from one place to the next. I don't know how they do it.

5. They eat for 4 days straight.

So, for the next few days we will be visiting most of the Mongolians that we know. We're going to eat a myriad of salads...fruit, potato, pasta, egg, vegetable-ish. We're going to sniff snuff. We're going to pretend to enjoy drinking fermented horse milk. We're going to eat so many byy3 (mysterious meat filled dumplings) we might explode. And...we're going to eat boiled sheep back bone.

Don't you want to come join?

As nervous as I sound, I am actually pretty excited about what this "traditional" holiday will entail. (I say traditional in " "s because Mongolians sure love to tell you when something is traditional or national) I am excited to get to go to some gers and to experience something that is not uniquely Mongolian but will be full of Mongolian flair.

I'll be sure to have a full report on everything that happened, don't you worry.

Until then...caihan shenlerei (that's my monglish (Mongolian-English) version of Happy New Year...or something along those lines!

choosing.

2010-02-08T10:57:00.005+08:00

Thank you person who sent this to Post Secret.

I continuously wonder why I'm in a place like this. Mongolia is not exactly where I saw myself ever living.

But, I think at some point, you just choose to be content. A point where you choose joy.No, I do not enjoy living in negative degrees but I enjoy getting to know my brothers and sisters.

Otherwise, I would have never gotten to go to church in a tent (ger) every single week.

I would never have come to know an obscure language.

I would have never known that words like Hallelujah, Hosanna, and Amen are the same in Mongolian and English.

I would have never been so convinced that my vocation simply is belonging to Jesus,

whatever that looks like

and

wherever that is.

I would have never been able to teach Kindergartners how to tickle or play the funny face game.

There are days when the wind is so strong by the lumber yard that saw dust filled my eyes and I wonder how I got here.

But, then I go "skiing" with the youth at Bogd Khaan mountain.

[By skiing they meant sledding.]

And I see this...

And I realize--I know--that even though I don't understand why I'm here, I'm glad that I am.

I have chosen joy.

to stand out.

2010-01-25T18:00:00.008+08:00

I love the way the sun changes things. Everything looks so beautiful upon its first illumination with the rising sun. Then, in the middle of the day, everything takes on a sense of normalcy. But then, as the sun begins to set, the light changes the way those normal things look. They become something new.

I just recently finished reading Donald Miller's most recent book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years (which is a fantastic read), and he talked about our stories. Near the end of the book, while reflecting on the story of his life, he says, "...When we look back on our lives, what will we remember are the crazy things we did, the times we worked to make a day stand out" (page 209).

I hardly think the trip that Joseph, Erin and I took this past weekend was anything close to crazy but I know it will stand out forever, for me.

When we first arrived here, in Cambodia, I remember Joseph telling us about a lady and her family that live in one of the provinces in Northern Cambodia. He told us about how the father of the family recently passed away. The father was the pastor of a United Methodist Church and the family lived in the back of the church building. Now that he is gone, the family has to figure out what their next step is without a very integral part of their family structure.

Joseph was already planning on visiting her at some point as he was planning to help her family financially; for the children's schooling and for some support during their move. Erin and I were really excited when we found out that we would have the opportunity to travel to the province and visit the family with Joseph.

In the five hour car ride it took to reach the province, we talked about a lot of things but one of those things was the ministry of presence. I think we all agreed that is what we want our life's purpose to be. As we reflected on what that looks like, we realized that we often look at the ministry of presence as only a part of our purpose, not our vocation. As we were talking, I realized how much we discount that ministry and deem it as insufficient.

It reminds me, again, of the Mother Teresa quote that has been guiding this whole experience for me. "...Our vocation consists in belonging to Jesus. The work is nothing but a means to express our love for him. That is why the work in itself is not important. What is important is for you to belong to Jesus. And he is the one who offers you the means to express that belonging."

In remembering (again and again, in my case) that my vocation is simply to belong to Jesus, I am freed and challenged to live a life of presence, not just engage in the ministry of presence. After all, I think living out my vocation is being present because, that is what Jesus did.

On that day, we drove for 5 hours and spent almost an hour visiting with the family. That's the closest to crazy that our story got, but I believe it was rich and full to the brim of presence. Living a life of presence, requires us to follow the Lord on the journey--story--that He gives us.

Living a life of presence is embracing our belonging and becoming more like Him.

On that day my story collided into a grander, more beautiful story. The kind of beautiful you see brighter as the sun is setting on a waving and grateful family you just drive 5 hours to come to know.

May you not let your story pass you by--let it stand out, like the world as the sun sets on it and makes it radiate.

quirks and...CELEBRATIONS!

2010-01-13T22:02:00.003+08:00

2 whole weeks without...

...boots

...long underwear

...hats, scarves, gloves

...hot drinks

...meat

...sleeping under 5 blankets

...blowing our nose

...2 pairs of socks

...free botox

...shivering

...checking to see if have hot water...or water at all...

...slipping on icy patches

...judging the quality of the day by how grey and smoky it is

...checking to see the number of digits behind the negative sign

...icicle-y eye lashes

We WARMLY welcome: fruit, sunshine and bootleg DVDs

We are so excited to not only be warm for 2 weeks but also to spend time with our good friend, Joseph, who is another Mission Intern in Cambodia.

Hopefully we will get to experience what life is like there. And get to enjoy some good hammock time on his porch, looking at the stars--that we haven't seen in a while.

Goodbye Mongolia, Hello Cambodia! (well...we're going to detour for a campout in the Beijing airport but we'll get there eventually)

greater things have yet to come.

2010-01-11T15:30:00.007+08:00

You're the God of this city

You're the King of these people

You're the Lord of this nation

You are

You're the light in this darkness

You're the hope to the hopeless

You're the peace to the restless

You are

There is no one like our God

For greater things have yet to come

And greater things are still to be done in this city

Chris Tomlin: "God of this City"

I was asked a couple of weeks ago to teach them a song in English. After much thought and prayer I kept coming back to this song. I have always liked this song but I have really come to believe it about Mongolia. These words resonate with the change that is happening in my heart.

Greater things have yet to come...

Teaching the song was relatively easy, they are not very confident in their English abilities, though. They tried pretty hard to get the words down. They all jotted them down in their notebooks, and many of them pulled out their flash drives so they could put the song on there (they really love their flash drives).

The next morning I arrived at church and they were humming the song and singing the lyrics it really made me smile as I joined in with them. The song was stuck in all of our heads.

A couple of hours later we had some free time in between the adult worship service and the kids worship service so the praise team started practicing the song. It sounded great. They practiced throughout the next hour and a half of Sunday School. As I was leaving church, I could hear them practicing in the big ger. I have no idea how long they practiced it but I know they really enjoyed learning the song.

As we walked away from the church I could hear them practicing and I was so thankful that gers were not sound proof.

I am leaving for Cambodia for two weeks but you better believe when I come back I'm going to be teaching them more and more worship songs. I am planning to teach them a song from some friends' band (in Auburn), The Riverside Worship Project. My prayer and hope is that I will need even more songs to teach them. If you have any simple-English song suggestions, I would love to hear them.

The way those words resonate in my heart are only the beginning of the change that is happening in my heart. I am reminded of a conversation Erin and I had after we first got here about something she read somewhere. It was about life in new places and how that life progresses in a way that causes you to survive, thrive, and then dream.

To survive, you need to eat, learn the basics of the language and be warm. We've figured out how to do that, thankfully.

Then, to thrive, you need to be fairly self-sufficient, for lack of better words. I see it as being able to get places you need to on your own. To figure out the answers to questions. And not to need to depend on other people for everything. We can now take the micro-bus, bus and taxi to and from many places with ease.

Then, you get to DREAM. This is my personal favorite. I think that part has just begun but I can already tell it is going to be really life-giving.

Part of the dreaming for me is that song. It was really a big deal when I realized that I believed what that song said about Mongolia. That greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done in this city. And then I got to share that with the people at church.

I also found out recently that I may be able to start visiting an orphanage here. One of the orphanages is for infants and they just need people to come and hold the babies. That is an answer to prayer, for me.

I think another part of the dreaming for me has been the way God has been answering my prayers. I have been praying for joy, or to allow joy rather. I know that my joy should not be conditional, but my head gets in the way too often. I have also been praying a lot about community. Going from having such a strong community in Auburn to being surrounded with a community in a different language has been hard. I so desperately long to be connected with people here and to share life with them. God is so faithful, how many times am I going to have to learn that?! Just tonight, we had several youth from our churches over to watch a movie and hang out with us. It was really fun and I'm really starting to feel like they feel comfortable with me.

God has been teaching me a lot and really been changing my heart in a way that is allowing me to begin to see Mongolia like He does. My prayer is that my dreams would grow bigger and stronger so that they may become reality. I have really found myself loving this place.

Like I've said from the beginning, if you ask God to teach you how to love ALL of His children, then He's going to be faithful. Now it's my turn to be the faithful one. I not only have to believe that greater things have yet to come, I have to allow Him to use me to help those things happen. "He must become greater; I must become less." John 3:30

Aslan is on the move.

2010-01-02T00:24:00.013+08:00

You know the game where you ask questions like this: "If you could go anywhere right now where would it be?"

Well, my answer, without a doubt would be here:

to that yard, with those girls...

to the cozy gnu's room...

laughing and laying in the grass...

to the oh-so-hard-to-find rope swing...

to enjoy the sunshine at town creek park...

to sit on a porch on East Glenn enjoying the lull in between red lights when it is silent...

to eat at Big Blue Bagel...

to sing in that beautiful chapel on the corner of Magnolia and Gay...

Auburn is quite possibly one of the greatest places that will ever exist.

I got a tiny taste of what (I hope) summer will be like here the other day and it reminded me of a beautiful Auburn day.

I have found that in the middle of the day, the sun shines perfectly through Erin's window in her room. The sunlight has literally brought me joy (we are a little Vitamin D deficient these days).

Knowing that we have passed the Winter Solstice (thank goodness for December 22, 2009!), I'm convinced the spring and summer are just around the corner.

I hope you are finding little glimpses of spring and summer as your winter fades away.

Aslan is on the move.

It is my party, and I will say when it is over...

2009-12-29T18:43:00.004+08:00

A couple of nights ago, I went to look out the window at 10 pm at the fresh snow. When I looked out, I saw a man sweeping up the snow off the sidewalk and out of the street.

It was 10 o'clock. That meant the sun was long gone (and had been for nearly 5 hours). Which means, it was cold. Really cold.

Here I am, thinking how annoying it is to move the outlet strip from the stove in the kitchen, to the heater in the bedroom, and this man is sweeping snow. He is sweeping the snow so that I don't slip on it when it freezes, which I did, (rather ungracefully too) and so cars don't slide when they drive across it.

A funk is quite an understatement for what I've been in as of late.

My computer crashed, I got food poisoning for the second time, and I burnt myself on the hot water pipe in the bathroom.

Seriously, what is wrong with me? I've decided it is time for my little (BIG) pity party to end.

On Christmas day, we went to visit some Hospice patients. The first family I visited had a 12 year old boy with Cerebral Palsy. He, his twin, and his father were all laying in a twin bed under a few blankets, and there was no heat.

As we sang Christmas carols, the father began to cry, my tears were not long after. I did my best to regain my composure as we walked back to the car. I was a mess.

Reality check, Holli.

Somehow, after that, I'm still capable of being so utterly selfish it is disgusting. The self-pity train sure has been making it's way around my heart and head, a lot.

Thanks be to the Lord for being so patient and persistent with me, though...

"...Moses said, 'Please show me your glory.' and he said, 'I will make all my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name 'The Lord.' And I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy. But,' he said, 'you cannot see my face, for man shall not see me and live.' And the Lord said, 'Behold, there is a place by me where you shall stand on the rock, and while my glory passes by I will put you in a cleft of the rock, and I will cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will take away my hand, and you shall see my back, buy my face shall not be seen.'"
Exodus 33:18-23

The light of the Lord is always here, around me. If I am lucky, I will get to see His back. I am not sure how often I am paying attention enough to see even that.

I hope my honesty finds some grace as I am learning to live completely in the presence of the Lord.

I am thankful that God is showing me His glory and that somehow He still loves me despite ALL of my undeserved-ness.

the year without a santa...

2009-12-16T10:04:00.006+08:00

the Mongolian Christmas edition of quirks and joys:

1. We went to the black market on Monday looking for some vegetables and a kitten. There were plenty of puppies but we knew we couldn't get one because they get too big. So I decided to tell the man standing next to us, trying to give me his business card about pets, that we wanted a cat. He started making a small motion with his hands. And finally he said "mini cat." I was like, "Yes!! a mini cat!" He asked us if we wanted a man or woman mini cat, got our number, made a phone call, then he said our cat would be there in 2 hours.

Not even 10 minutes after we left, I got a phone call saying, "Your mini cat has arrived." So, we turned around and got ripped off, I'm sure. We payed 13,000 tugrugs for him, that's around 10 dollars. The guy pronounced to everyone around "arron-goro" (13) as if to tell the world how much he got from us. It was hilarious.

We named him, Dobby, after the house elf in Harry Potter. He is nuts, like all "mini-cats" and we really enjoy his energy. He is already spoiled and sleeps right in the middle of us in the bed we share :)

2. I view walking outside for any amount of time as free botox. I can't feel my face while I'm outside or for a period of time after I come inside.

3. As I've mentioned before, I heard that the Celsius and Fahrenheit scales meet at -30 degrees. The scales have been kissing each other quite frequently as of late. And they say, it's only going to get colder.

4. I drink tea like a Mongolian now. I can't keep the tea bag in my mug for too long because there is like a flavor explosion if I do. My tastes buds might be dying. I can now get 3 cups of tea from one bag of tea.

5. I ate horse meat for the first time recently. We have heard that horse is their winter meat. The best (and scariest) thing about eating horse meat is that I didn't hate it.

6. While teaching my English class about and, but, or and food items. I learned that many Mongolians "...do like horse meat, but do not like chicken." That seems impossible.

7. Christmas in Mongolia is an oxymoron. They call the Christmas tree a New Year tree. They have NO idea who Santa is and they really don't know what exchanging gifts is about. It is so weird because they do have some Christmas trees up but it's just like a big "Sike!!"

It is so difficult for me to wrap my head around the fact that I live in a place that has never heard about Santa and even harder to comprehend that some people have never even heard the name Jesus.

As hard as it is to be here during the Christmas season, it is really beautiful to get to share with them and teach them about a season I love. The moment when I can help someone understand Christmas and all of it's incredible meaning is a life-changing moment for me.

I pray that your Christmas is filled. Please spend time with your family for me and enjoy every beautiful part of this season.

Joy to the world.

smiling.

2009-12-06T20:37:00.016+08:00

Just a brief catch-up...the H1N1 lockdown is officially over!

Now we are working at our respective churches. I am teaching a lot of English (which bothers me some) to children, youth and adults. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed teaching. Also, I am getting to join in with some of the woman's ministries they have at the church. There is a craft class, where I learned to make felt from sheep's wool, and a mother's class. And I am going to start working with the Kindergarten some as well.

From all I have gotten to experience thus far I think I am really going to enjoy working at my church.

The church is called Gerelt UMC, which means light.

"Peace begins with a smile."

-Mother Teresa

(Liberia, Africa)

"Everybody smiles in the same language. And for that, I am so thankful."
-Jena Lee, Hope in the dark

(Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia)

"Light up the darkness."
-Bob Marley

"Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed."
Psalm 34:5

Maybe you can tell, I have been thinking a lot about the connection between smiling and light lately.

Ever since I arrived in Mongolia I have realized just how much I appreciate smiling. I know that I am from the south and there is a certain "charm" that is somewhat ingrained in my spirit, there is just something deeper about smiling for me, though.

I don't think I even truly had a grasp of what Mother Teresa's quote about smiling meant until recently. The other day I was talking to my mom about the ways we connect with people, sometimes people who cannot speak the same language. When I was talking to her it was like the words just flowed out of fingertips (I was chatting with her on skype) "Peace begins with a smile." And then I got it. Our smile is this little gift, a peace offering that we can offer to anyone at any time.

When we smile we are expressing, claiming even, that we are about peace.

"Peace [really does] begin with a smile."

I have realized how grateful I am for some commonality with people I can hardly communicate with. Although Mongolians are not expressive with their emotions-when I see one smile, I know we can understand each other.

"Everyone smiles in the same language. And for that, I am so thankful"

But I think I realized the real deepness of smiling when I was having a conversation with the lay leader at my church. She was telling me about when she became a Christian. She said her friends told her that her appearance changed--her face was softer. They said that she had a new joy and that she seemed different.

"Woah!" I thought. Becoming a Christian literally changed everything about her. She radiates the light of Christ. When she smiles, and that is a lot, it is holy and wholly from Christ. The light that radiates from her smile is deep and joy-filled, coming from knowing Christ

How incredible that was for me to stop and think about. Her smile was so deeply connected to the light of the Lord.

In my very Christian influenced life I don't think I allow for His light and my smile to be so intertwined. I want my smile to echo this truth:

"Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed."
Psalm 34:5

I don't think this verse is actually referring to smiling but, for me, it now has a new meaning.

When I am looking to Christ, His light is able to radiate in me.

And that is the light that is able to "Light up the darkness."

I don't think it is by any coincidence that the meaning of my church's name is light. The word light and the ideas surrounding it are taking up inhabitance in my soul.

(Gerelt UMC, UB, Mongolia)

May we often remember how deeply our smiles are connected to His light. May we always look to Him so we, too, can be radiant.

louis and the baby lambs...

2009-12-02T22:30:00.004+08:00

A while ago we saw a rather large building (of sorts) being erected in the main square of town (Sukhbaatar Square). We thought it was strange but then they started putting the letters on it...LOUIS VUITTON. Then we knew it was strange.

This, I am certain, is a very elaborately touched up picture. But telling nonetheless.

Every time I see the Louis Vuitton store here, I am amazed and so confused. I'm pretty sure that no one here really has the money to be spending on Louis paraphernalia.

Recently, Erin was doing some research about LV and stumbled upon this site that talks about the fashion show (complete with red carpet) that was held in the building pictured above.

Check it out.

I personally enjoy the baby lambs, they bring just the right touch of Mongolia.

Despite this ridiculous quirk, I am really beginning to like it here. Today marked 7 weeks of living in Mongolia.

That, I can hardly believe.

quirks and joys #?

2009-11-25T19:44:00.001+08:00

it has been a little while...

1. There are trash trucks here. They make music. The music is the same as the ice cream truck. Appetizing, huh?

2. On the subject of ice cream, our friend came over the other day, after she had been here for about 30 minutes she pulled out a bag from her backpack. Inside the bag was some choco-taco like ice cream treats. They weren't melted, at all.

3. When Mongolians come to our apartment they tell us that it is cold. Today one of them put on their coat [it goes all the way to her knees].

4. Erin and I have decided that 20 degrees is the new 70. When it's 20 degrees we think it's warm.

5. We practice our Mongolian wrap. No, that has nothing to do with music. It is the way you tie your scarf carefully around your face and neck so as to block out all air.

6. This past week I caught a little stomach virus [self diagnosed] and Sun Lae brought me some get-better-snacks. She brought some bread, oranges and kidney beans. She said she brought the kidney beans because "Americans like them." I was unaware.

7. We made an Advent wreath out of styrofoam.

I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I like living them.

Happy Thanksgiving!

wrestling matches.

2009-11-24T18:03:00.002+08:00

"...And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day..." Genesis 32:24

Lately I have been reading through Genesis and Exodus. I am enjoying it but I just cannot stop thinking about Jacob. I have always resonated with Jacob, even though he is sometimes a little bit of a punk. But this particular story, Jacob wrestling with God, has become especially close to my heart.

I have been wrestling a lot here. Before coming, I had ample warning about culture shock but not many people warned about the mental and spiritual shocks that come with totally new experiences. I suppose it is because people don't know how to talk about it. I think I understand why they don't--they're a little harder to navigate and work through.

With all of the shifts that have been going on with me, there has come a certain tension. This tension is the colliding of what I have learned and thought I understood my entire life and the reality that I can now count on none of that. I have found that these colliding realities require quite a bit of unlearning.

The idea of unlearning is something I have realized is a necessity for a while. I've had many meaningful, life-changing conversations about unlearning sitting on porches and while taking walks.

But, I am coming to a new understanding of unlearning and beginning to realize that this is where we are supposed to live. We are to live somewhere in the middle of remembering what we have been taught, unlearning some of those things and learning new things. That balance is delicate but I think it is where we are called to be.

In this place, this balanced, ebbing and flowing sort of reality, we realize that we are insufficient. Just when we again realize who is sufficient, this is when we hear Jesus say, "follow me." And because we are not relying on our understanding but wrestling with Him we can then, "[rise and follow Him]" (Matthew 9:9).

Let us remember the most important part of this wrestling match is that it is with God. The nearness that we have to Him in this time is invaluable and necessary.

May we never forget how good it is to be near to God even when it is as painful as wrestling.

music makes my world go 'round.

2009-11-17T10:05:00.005+08:00

Recently my dear friend Melissa gave me privileged access to her grooveshark account. It was a lot of fun.

So, I was thinking...wouldn't it be cool if I created one that people could log into and make playlists?

I'd love to hear what you're listening to and maybe even learn some new music...

go here: grooveshark.com
email address: holli.vining@gmail.com
username: mongolia
password: mongolia
create a new playlist.

i'm excited for my ears to hear what you choose.

agape and peace.

creepin'

2009-11-11T18:06:00.005+08:00

Sorry about posting 3 times in one day but hopefully this one will have a little more meaning than the other two (although, they are funny).

Last week we were having dinner with two girls that are working in different capacities here in UB. They have both been here for about a year or more and they were telling us about their adjustment experiences. They affirmed our rough beginnings but then they kept talking about Mongolia, after adjustments. They said that Mongolia has a way of getting under your skin. It really grows on you and you can't help but love it.

One of the girls was talking about how for a while, and even still now, she tries to shield her skin, she's not ready to love Mongolia yet. I've been feeling that same way. I want to shield my skin because part of me is afraid of loving this place.

Today we went to Terelj National Park with the Seo's (the missionary family that is here). We went to go have a picnic and see the park. Their girls went and it was a lot of fun. The park is about 2 hours away from UB so we got to see more of the country side. It must have snowed recently because everything was so white, snowy and beautiful.

On the way there I kept looking out the window. I heard the chitter-chatter from the girls in the backseat, I saw the mountains, the snow and all of the animals grazing. I could feel it rumbling inside me...the words "I love Mongolia." It shocked me but the feeling was overwhelming.

I realized that loving Mongolia is creepin' up on me. My skin is slowly becoming unshielded and I like it.

Yesterday, I was reading the devotion for the day from Oswald Chamber's "My Utmost For His Highest." The devotion was excellent and really spoke to my heart, especially about things that I have been thinking and praying about.

It said, "I have to learn that the aim in life is God's, not mine...He simply asks me to have implicit faith in Himself and in His goodness..."

But the last sentence is what really got to me, "I have 'a world within the world' in which I live, and God will never be able to get me outside it because I am afraid of being frost-bitten."

Even though Mongolia is (ridiculously) cold, I remember that it is part of God's world. I can remember that because He created it, it is good. I can have faith in Him and His goodness and I can let loving Mongolia creep on me.

frozen things.

2009-11-11T17:41:00.003+08:00

I can't believe I forgot about this quirk. I think you'll understand why I decided to post it...it might even deserve the lone post. You be the judge.

7. A few times this week I've had the pleasure of getting to go to a Mongolian bathroom. If you're confused about what this means, see picture:

That is an outhouse. It is below freezing in Mongolia every day. People use out houses for tinkling and pooping. Imagine this: mounds of frozen poop.

COME-AND-GET-ON-OUR-BUS!

2009-11-11T16:42:00.003+08:00

For your enjoyment and, the latest quirks and joys:

1. The number one thing to do on the "Things to do in UB" list is visit the post office. We visited the post office and sent some postcards, however we have no idea if the stamps we got actually are international. They just gave us two for each postcard. So, watch your mail boxes! Also, I'm pretty sure there is a little tiny person in the box that you slide your mail in, I'll be sure to take a picture next time we go.

2. At each bus station there are buses and microbuses. The microbuses (basically like a taxi-van) are the more interesting. For starters, there is a person who sits right inside the sliding door to take money and to yell some Mongolian jibberish that I say must be, "COME-AND-GET-OUR-BUS! COME-AND-GET-ON-OUR-BUS! IT-IS-BETTER-THAN-THEIRS!"(make sure you slur it all together). How's that for competition? Along with the microyeller, there are about 30 other people in each bus. Crammed in is an understatement, all to make about 200-400 tugrug (which comes out to somewhere around 40 cents).

3. While on our walk to the church a couple of mornings ago, the moisture from our breath froze both our hair and our scarves.

4. There are no such things as refrigerators in Mongolia. You have the big freezer and the little freezer. Our tomatoes can prove that, they're frozen solid right now. I didn't even know that was possible.

5. On Monday, we had our second tutoring lesson with Enkhuush (Batkhuu's son). His English is really good and just needs to practice. So, in an effort to help him practice, we asked him about food and how it is cooked in Mongolia. He started telling us about animals and how they are cooked. He kept stumbling over one word, one part of the animal. So, he finally looked it up in the dictionary. Erin read the word out loud...scrotum. It was all I could do not to crack up (I know I'm like a middle schooler). When someone gave me homemade dumplings recently, all I could think about was that the meat inside was scrotum.

6. We recently attempted to pay our bills. We had no idea it would lead us to about 6 different buildings and we couldn't even pay all of them on that day. By the end of our journey, I had no idea what we had payed for our honestly how much it ended up being.

At this current moment, I can think of several more quirks but I will spare you. These were long and required a lot of back story. I hope you enjoyed them.

H1N1 blues...

2009-11-04T19:35:00.000+08:00

We had our big meeting today which ended up meaning we made faces across the table with Batkhuu (he works at the church), for a while. The other missionaries bounced back and forth in a seemingly colorful, Korean conversation. The rest of us didn't know what in the world they were talking about so we waited patiently to have an explanation.

When we all came together to speak in English, we discussed all the different opportunities and ministries at the churches. We decided that Erin and I will separate and serve at two different churches. We will each serve at one church for about 8 months and then swap to the other church for the next 8 months. This way we get to know a lot of people and can really be involved in a lot of different ways.

Some of the ministries include:

visiting women at a detention center
a literacy program for children
teaching English (I think we could do this all day, everyday if we wanted to)
a youth and college aged worship service in English
daycare
after school programs
a school for children moving into the city from the countryside
hospice
bible studies
Sunday school for all ages
small groups

I'm sure I'm leaving out something but you get the picture. There are so many different opportunities that I don't even know what to say I want to get involved with. I think we could do a little bit of it all with some careful planning and conversations, but I don't know really how to go about that just yet. I'm thankful we get some time to think and pray about how God is leading us.

We won't be able to start anything for a while due to H1N1. The schools are shut down, everything closes early and even the black market is closed. We cannot have Sunday school right now or even teach English classes.

So now we wait.

The missionary couple that is here (part of the Korean speakers) is planning to take us to the National Park for a picnic and some sight-seeing next week. I'm really excited about spending more time with them and their two adorable daughters. We also might get to visit with some women at the detention center and get to visit more families with the hospice nurses and doctors, as well.

Big news: We asked all of the missionaries if they wanted to celebrate Thanksgiving with us. They were all really excited about it so Erin and I will be working on a Mongolian-Thanksgiving menu between now and then, which will prove interesting, I am certain. We are really excited about this opportunity to show some of our gratitude for all of their hospitality.

Each day I wake up and am more and more grateful to be here. I already feel like one day the words written in my picture will be a true reflection of how my heart feels.

when not-normal becomes normal

2009-10-30T18:46:00.000+08:00

Due to outstanding approval and per the request of people like Shelley L. and Amanda Y. (people who have taught me a lot about seeing humor) I have decided to continue "quirks and joys" on a weekly basis. Here they are, the latest 5 "quirks and joys":

1. We have heard it said that the Mongolian women wear high heels because they think that their ovaries will freeze and if they freeze, they won't be able to have children. I, for one, hope that isn't true because I'm not going to wear heels.

2. Every restaurant/bar/cafe/place where people gather, closes at 9 pm due to the fear of H1N1. Did you know that the swine flu comes alive at 9 pm? I sure didn't.

3. On Saturday when we went to see Harry Potter at the movie theater, we had assigned seats. Thankfully we picked seats that were literally right next to ours.

4. On Sunday, we had a delicacy, milk tea. The Mongolians love it. I describe it like this: liquid grits...

5. In an effort not to shiver all night long and to actually get some sleep,
Erin and I decided to pull her mattress into the living room (the warmest room) and pile all of our blankets on top of us. I think we had about 4 layers of blanket covering us. We got some sleep and you better believe we will be doing that again.

I hope that you enjoy those little moments from our week. I think they are fun and are somewhat beginning to feel normal. I was reminded last night that it only takes a little while and what wasn't normal slowly becomes normal. The culture shock is ending and seeing cows grazing outside of the department store is becoming less and less of an oddity.

On Thursday we had a test that consisted of us getting a taxi, directing it to the market and then buying something, all in Mongolian. We passed I suppose because we finished our "Survivor Course" the next day. I am thankful for class to be over but I don't feel knowledgeable about the Mongolian language at all. I can hold an introductory conversation but that is about the extent. We will be relying on people a lot. Which I believe is a necessary and joyful part of life anyway, so it works for me. I believe we are made to need each other.

Just as we need each other, I am becoming deeply aware of our need for our creator. For a while I was struggling with all that it meant for me to be here, living in Mongolia. I stumbled upon this quote and have been slowly coming into an understanding of what it means and how it relates to my need for our creator:

"...Our vocation consists in belonging to Jesus. The work is nothing but a means to express our love for him. That is why the work in itself is not important. What is important is for you to belong to Jesus. And he is the one who offers you the means to express that belonging." -MT (my personal nickname for Mother Teresa)

My vocation is belonging to Jesus. I don't understand much more than that and that's probably how it is supposed to be. If I understood it all I would not be concerned about belonging to anyone, much less Jesus.

This week we will be introduced to the ministries that are going on at the church. On Wednesday we will get to participate in a meeting that will be helping to discern in what capacity we will be working in those different ministries. I have been anxious for this time and am ready to start getting my hands a little dirty.

I know that the most important thing for me to do now is to surrender. Surrender to how we will be working and serving here. Surrender to being cold. Surrender to life in Mongolia and making it home. Surrender to the ways God is changing me. Surrender to Him in every way.

I want to make sure that I remember what the quote was talking about. I belong to Jesus and the work is just an expression. It is an expression of love and surrender to Him. It is a pure joy to get to express it at all.

A good friend of mine, Joe D., posted something recently that really resonated with me. It has become my prayer and I want to share it with you:

Lord, "Oh, happy are those who become like sheep following their shepherd, who can be shown more and more works of God because every work of God becomes a light for them. Every work of God shows them the part of their own nature and of their own strength, which has to be given up!... In tears, let us surrender ourselves to God and seek to become sheep through whom God's kingdom can be revealed in Christ. Nothing else is worthy before God."
-Christoph Blumhardt

I have so many things that need to be given up. My surrender requires a constant consciousness of Jesus and my belonging to Him.

Even if it is through tears, may we all surrender to our creator.

quirks and joys.

2009-10-27T16:40:00.001+08:00

I have been thinking the past few days about all the quirks of Mongolia that Erin and I have been finding great joy in. I thought I'd share some of those with you...

First, let me set the scene for you: I am writing this while eating a rather soupy bowl of broccoli soup. It's warm, though, and that's all that matters. Right outside my window is the coldest capital city in the world, UB. It is 22 degrees out there today. And I am sitting here without having taken a shower in 2 days. I woke up this morning and could not take a shower because currently we have no hot water. And that...that's just the beginning.

Here is the mere top 11 quirks that bring us joy:

1. The days of the week are just 1st day, 2nd, etc. until you get to Saturday. Saturday literally translates to half good day while Sunday is a full good day.

2. When you text message you text in English-Mongolian (I call this Engolian) because their phones don't have the Mongolian language on them.

3. Our teacher mysteriously got up and left our classroom today. A few minutes later she called our cell phones just so that we could practice talking on the phone in Mongolian.

4. Our bus driver LAUGHED at me when I tried to say thank you to him today.

5. I am petrified of all the dogs here because I didn't get my rabies shot. I'm only afraid because I don't know what country I would have to go to for treatment. The dogs are sweet here so I don't know why I'm so scared, though.

6. We thought it was great news that we had a washing machine. We soon found out that wasn't such great news...it flood our bathroom floor [see picture]

7. Our refrigerator has a winter setting. I am not really sure what that is for...

8. Our TV shows: Russian (Russian version of MTV complete with a dubbed "Pimp My Ride") Korean, Mongolian and Chinese channels. Oh and I almost forgot, we also have an American rap channel.

9. Mongolian food=fried, meat-filled, hotpockets (not literally, that's just how I describe them)

10. We live next to the Wrestling Palace.

11. My personal favorite thing: the main road here is called Peace Avenue. They don't use any other road names but this one.

I'm sure you can tell there are many, MANY more but I will spare you all the details. Erin and I are learning to laugh at the quirks of Mongolia and enjoy them for all that they are. I hope that this brought you some joy, too.

flipped-turned upside down.

2009-10-24T20:53:00.000+08:00

Let me begin with the confession that I honestly don't know where to begin and that is ok. I have been learning that there is value in whatever feeling that you are feeling and that you should embrace it, experience and move on from it, not to dwell in that feeling. Feelings are natural, they ebb and flow.

I have been in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia for a little over a week now. Today was the very first day I began to feel comfortable here. I even felt a little at home.

Transitioning to life in Mongolia has been more difficult than I expected. I am not even quite sure I can accurately express it in words. But, to give you a tiny grasp of how I'm feeling, let me quote a little something from the respected and awfully wise...Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, "Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down..."

Erin and I have had many conversations and prayers expressing our feelings that are lives have become a jumbled mess, flipped and turned upside down (and about 8 other ways, too) if you will.

Through my anxious and strange feelings, I am being graciously reminded that my creator is faithful. He is patient. He is good. He is loving. He is forgiving. He helps those in need, including me.

I have been thinking a lot about the story in Mark 9 about the father of the boy who is possessed by an evil spirit. The boy's father says,
"'...if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.' 'If you can'? said Jesus. 'Everything is possible for him who believes.' Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
(Mark 9.22-24)

I have felt much like that. I do believe that God is faithful but some days I doubt so much. I know He has prepared this place for me but I have felt so lost and confused about His plan. I pray, Lord, help me overcome my unbelief.

I can barely fathom myself, much less recount to you all the ways God has proven Himself faithful to us in the past week. With each doubt He sends a blessing. With my impatience, He pours out patience. Yet, I still forget who He has proven Himself to be. I pray again, Lord, help me overcome my unbelief.

With lingering thoughts of feeling like I am a crazy person for literally moving half-way around the world, I come to the realization that it's true, I am a crazy person, and I am growing to be more and more thankful for that.

I believe the words of Simone Weil, "The pursuit of God is never separate from the love of persons." And those words are exactly why I am in Mongolia. Freezing, unknown, barrier-filled, strange and person-filled, Mongolia. I give thanks to the Lord for beginning to help me overcome my unbelief.

Even though I don't always understand why I am here, I am coming to a place where I realize that the reason I am here is for obedience. I pray that each day I become more and more joyfully obedient. I pray that I am reminded often that my pursuit of God is not separate from these people. I pray that I am reminded often that my pursuit of God is completely and utterly bound up in these people.

I am faithful that God will continue revealing and reminding me of those things. I will keep praying my unbelief away.

Please continue with me on this journey. My freedom for joyful obedience and my pursuit of God are bound up in you too.

Life ebbs with our belief and flows with our unbelief. Praise to our King for ebbing and flowing with us.

I live in Mongolia...

2009-10-16T16:44:00.000+08:00

Hello!

Erin and I are here! We got to our apartment around 12:30 last night. It is nice. We unpacked and stayed up until nearly 3. We layed in the floor of my room for a while wondering if we were crazy. We came to the conclusion that we are but that our God is faithful, so we will trust.

We went shopping this morning. We needed blankets (we slept with just sheets last night...coollld) and pillows. We got some groceries too. I think we'll be using peanut butter as our main protein for a long while.

We should have internet and visas by the beginning of next week so i can talk to you all soon.

We are just going to rest tomorrow and then we will go to church on Sunday morning. One of the missionaries here, said that she would have a translator sit in between us, so that should be fun.

Monday morning we will start language classes...I foresee that being interesting and really difficult.

Right now we are just watching the tv shows that we have with us and movies, bundling up and resting before our life gets busy.

It is so strange to realize that I live here. I don't feel American right now and I sure don't feel Mongolian.

I am anxious and excited to begin meeting people and learning their stories.

Please, continue to pray for us as we try to adjust to the Mongolian life.

love, peace and joy.

2009-10-15T17:34:00.000+08:00

we are at an internet cafe in the airport in korea. i told you i would do my best, mom :)

14+ hour flights are no fun. but they do have great movies...my sister's keeper is so sad.

when people ask us where our final destination is and we tell them Mongolia, they give us the greatest looks.

our flight boards in about an hour and then it will be another 2.5 hours of flying.

then, we will live in Mongolia.

say a little prayer for us.

peace, love and joy.

being radiant in the present.

2009-10-14T22:11:00.000+08:00

As a fire is meant for buring with a bright and warming flame, so the church is meant for mission, giving glory to God's name. Not to preach our creeds or customs, but to build a bridge of care, we join hands across the nations, finding neighbors everywhere.

We are learners, we are teachers; we are pilgrims on the way. We are seekers; we are givers; we are vessels made of clay. By our gentle, loving actions we would show that Christ is light. In a humble, listening Spirit we would live to God's delight.

As a green bud in the springtime is a sign of life renewed, so may we be signs of oneness 'mid earth's peoples, many hued. As a rainbow lights the heavens when a storm is past and gone, may our lives reflect the radiance of God's new and glorious dawn.

-Ruth Duck "As A Fire Is Meant For Burning"

This is one of the last songs that we sang at our commissioning service last night. We had sung it earlier in the week and I thought it was beautiful then. So, I was thankful that we sang it again.

Last night after we got back late, I tried to stay up, in order to trick the jet lag that will surely ensue after our 14 and a half hour flight. However, that didn't work, I fell asleep at 3:30.

I realized that it was ok, though, that I had fallen asleep early.

It's ok because the reason that I was so exhausted is because I have been learning and living in what it means to live in the present. Being present where you are is something that I have learned is a beautiful gift.

Being able to be present is difficult but that is how we can stay connected to our past, honoring it, and how we can look forward to our future with anticipation.

So, I am thankful for these past two weeks. I have made incredible new friends that I am certain will last forever. God has blessed me with this gift of friendship and growth before I leave.

But I remember where I came from and am thankful for all of you who have gotten me here. And, I look forward to my future in Mongolia--to meeting the people and loving them quickly.

So, if you have been a part of my past, if you are in my present or you are in my future, thank you for being a blessing to me.

Tomorrow at this time [I think] I will be in Mongolia. I will be in Mongolia...freezing, with snow.

Pray that we get there safely. Pray that we will see the sign that says "Holli and Erin" upon arrival at the airport in Ulaanbaatar.

May your lives all "reflect the radiance of God's new and glorious dawn" and that you can see the beauty of being present exactly where you are right now.

peace, love and joy.

i am so blessed.

2009-09-29T13:49:00.000+08:00

goodness gracious. i am so blessed.

although this waiting period has been incredibly difficult, it has been good. i am so thankful for the time that i had to try to allow God to prepare me for this adventure. He has taught me a lot in this time. mostly about how loved and blessed i am.

countless numbers of people have brought joy and comfort into my anxious heart with kind words and prayers. thank you.

i have had many beautiful and some very difficult conversations.

i have had time with family and friends that was fulfilling and genuine.

the list of blessings could continue on and on.

thank you for all the support, love and many prayers. thank you for reminding me that this adventure is not mine alone, it is ours as a body of believers. we all get to take part.

if i was supposed to call you and i haven't...i will.

i am leaving bright and early in the morning (well, this morning now) for new york. i will be there for 2 weeks of training.

on the 13th of october we will be comissioned.

on the 14th of october we (erin and i) will leave for mongolia at 2 in the afternoon.

on the 15th of october we will arive in mongolia at 11 in the evening.

if you didn't catch that...it is a lonnng travel day. and flying is not my favorite thing. if you've flown with me, you know.

so, i'll say thank you again and i'll ask you to keep praying. join me on this journey. i need you.

i want to leave you with a prayer. something that has been an encouragement to me in this time. i pray it for all of you::

O Lord,
open my eyes that i may see the needs of others;
open my ears that i may hear their cries;
open my heart so that they need not be without succor;
let me not be afraid to defend the weak because of the anger of the strong,
nor afraid to defend the poor because of the anger of the rich.
show me where love and hope and faith are needed,
and use me to bring them to those places.
and so open my eyes and my ears
that i may this coming day be able to do some work of peace for thee.

amen.

scary awesome.

2009-09-15T23:23:00.000+08:00

"Whether we think of; or speak to, God, whether we act or suffer for him, all is prayer, when we have no other object than his love, and the desire of pleasing him.

All that a Christian does, even in eating and sleeping, is prayer, when it is done in simplicity, according to the order of God, without either adding to or diminishing from it by his own choice."

John Wesley

One month from yesterday (September 14th) I will be going to Mongolia. I am leaving for training, in New York, on September 29th.

The most important thing that I can do now is to pray. This quote from John Wesley was shared with me recently and in response to it we decided that if we actually believed that "All that a Christian does, even in eating and sleeping, is prayer..." that our lives would glorify and they would be "scary awesome."

Our lives would point to the creator of the universe that made us capable of everything we do.

My prayer for the next month is to make my life a prayer. And I pray that "when it is done..." it is done in "simplicity, according to the order of God, without either adding to or diminishing from it by his own choice."

Pray with me?

2009-08-03T04:36:00.001+08:00

life ebbs and flows.
life moves forward and back.
life is joyful and difficult.
life is a balancing act.

for a little while now I have known that I will be heading to Mongolia next.

between playing with kids in Auburn and researching mysterious Mongolia, I have settled into a transitioning state.

this transition, I have come to realize, is the most monumental and challenging transition I may ever face.

part of this process requires a great deal of reflection. reflecting on my time in Auburn stirs many emotions. many things have been very difficult here. but many things have been absolutely radiant. I learned a lot about neighbors and what it looks like to love them [thank you for that.] I also learned more about living in community than I ever thought possible. my NINE beautiful roommates have blessed me with immeasurable amounts of joy, wisdom and shown me truth [thank you toomer house for holding us all so gently].

this transition has brought about so much joy through my reflections but it has also shown me reality. the reality is that this time, this place, these people will never be the same. things will never be the same again. with that reality comes a sadness, a mourning and grieving period. but that is just what life is about for me. the balance of it all. through that sadness I can see the beauty more vividly.

without this time, without this place, without you people it would not be possible for me to have grown into the confidence that the Lord will in fact take care of me, even in Mongolia. because of the love He has given me through you, I am not afraid.

through this quiet, inner reflection and mourning period I have come to see that I am a loved, free, 22 year old young lady who has tasted and seen that the Lord is good. and now, I am ready to go taste and see more.

as for now, I will continue to honor the past, where I have come from and to be ever-thankful for it. I will continue the research of one of the most mysterious places on the earth.

now, I ask you to pray for me as I have already begun to prepare my heart for this upcoming move. I am more than excited and anxious about expanding my love for the world. but, I ask you to pray with me for the people there. please pray that God would be readying their hearts as well. pray that God would keep preparing the path for us to connect to one another.

pray for yourself, too. pray that you would pray these things for the people around you, wherever you are.

this life ebbs and flows in the most unique ways--all so that we can see that this balancing act is quite beautiful and radiant.